Will you ever tell that you have cheated?

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Have you ever cheated on your significant other? Maybe because you were bored and wanted a little bit more spice? Or maybe you are already tired or maybe want something new? If you did, did you ever tell your partner or did you confess that you have cheated?

For those who haven't assume that you have cheated. Would you tell?
 

GalwayGirl88

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There's a part of me that believes I wouldn't tell, but the guilt would be too much for I think. Aside from the guilt tripping me up, I think you would have to spend a lot of time thinking up and concocting stories about where you've been, who you were with, what you did at whatever venue you were supposed to be at - there's just too much work involved. That said, there are plenty of people who manage to operate their "two lives" quite easily, and get away with it.

Mobile phones and the internet have of course helped in managing a duplicitous life, but I wonder how people managed it before?? It surely wasn't always the stereotypical man at the office who falls into an affair with his secretary? Then there's the general management involved in the day to day running of two relationships - how do you split your emotions between two people? This won't be a problem if you are in your affair simply for the physical pleasure it brings, but who wants to live like that? Surely it's a really unsatisfactory way of life all round?

If you're feeling bored, tired, lacking in spice, or whatever the problem, try discussing things with your partner before you look outside of your principal relationship. I know there are people who have grown so far apart that they feel lonely, or they simply want to feel alive again with someone else. There's nothing wrong with that, but it won't do much for your own self-esteem when you really think about the dishonesty involved in cheating.
 

flad264

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No I have never cheated, but I think that if I ever did then I think that I would be man enough to tell my significant other. I just don't think that it makes any sense to go out and cheat because it really does not make any sense. I had a friend that did though and I do not know if he was man enough to tell her, but I told him that I think that the best thing that he could do is to let her know what is up.

It is just so unfair for someone to cheat on someone else I just think that if you are planning to cheat then you should just leave the person that you are in a relationship with.
 

calebmelvern

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I cheated on my first girlfriend. I hooked up with her friend. The next day, I told her what happened. I figured I should tell her the truth because she deserves to know everything if we were to be together forever. Of course, she got mad and we broke up. We were able to settle things, but things were never the same. After a couple of months, we split for good.

I can say that that experience helped me improve as a person. I learned how to man up and take responsibility for my mistakes. I also learned how to respect women. Yeah sounds cliche, maybe silly even (I cheated after all), but I never cheated again.
 

GalwayGirl88

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I cheated on my first girlfriend. I hooked up with her friend. The next day, I told her what happened. I figured I should tell her the truth because she deserves to know everything if we were to be together forever. Of course, she got mad and we broke up. We were able to settle things, but things were never the same. After a couple of months, we split for good.

I can say that that experience helped me improve as a person. I learned how to man up and take responsibility for my mistakes. I also learned how to respect women. Yeah sounds cliche, maybe silly even (I cheated after all), but I never cheated again.
Even though it sounds sad that things were never right between you and your girlfriend again, these situations are really valuable learning curves. It's a great lesson in personal responsibility, and great to hear that you never felt like cheating again.

These things can be painful, but they are real life lessons, and teach us so much about ourselves and each other.
 

calebmelvern

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Absolutely. We are close friends now so all is well between us. That is what I am most grateful for. Maybe if I didn't admit what I did, we wouldn't be friends today.
 

Ellyn

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Yes, I would. I can't let them find out by themselves, and I definitely would tell them before we do anything physical. Even if I got swept up in some romantic moment or the natural-feeling flow of make-up sex or relationship re-invigoration sex, if I transmitted a disease onto them as a result of that--I would absolutely never be able to forgive myself.

That said, we would have, earlier on, had the polyamory talk. I would have initiated that, and would invite them to openly talk to me about who else they find attractive, if that's really what they feel. It is especially of the utmost importance that I know who else they might have had sex with before the two of us have sex. Significant others come and go, but some STD's stay with you your entire life. If they only tell me after, then that's what I can't forgive. My trust can be regained after being broken, really--but when I give somebody my body, I expect them to take care of it instead of selfishly staying silent on important life-changing, life-damaging information just because they're ashamed or had "needs" and knew I wouldn't have sex with them before taing the trouble to get tested or whatever. Practicalities first. Body safety first, before emotions--for both of us. The body is real.

Besides, I would like to think that my being open to being friendly with metamours (your significant other's other lover) mean that there should really be no reason or cause to cheat.