i don't even know where to ask this, but please, help. i don't know what to do anymore. i feel so bored and empty most of the time. i don't even remember how it was to feel true joy and love. i want to learn, to explore, to meet people, to enjoy, to live, to laugh, to dance, to scream, to dream, but i don't know what to do. i spend most of my time playing games and watching anime/serials, or just doing nothing reading s**t on the internet. it's not like i stay at home and play games all day to escape real life or something like that. i'm not afraid, i just don't know what to do out there. i never knew. i do productive stuff too, i go to college and have no problems passing everything, i am sure i will find a job and get a nice salary once i'm done with college, though i don't really enjoy going to college, since it's a computer science one, and most people are very closed and shy/awkward/hateful, without personality (actually just afraid to show it i guess), i have a few colleagues with which i kinda get along, but we are not good friends or anything (we don't talk outside classes almost at all). most teachers are also bad at teaching, they hate being asked questions, and have no personality. but there are a few exceptions and i enjoy those classes. i've been going to gym for the past few months, keeping track of my calories and seeing results, but my motivation for doing this is not quite nice. i go because everything is so boring and empty now that maybe, with a nice body and a nice shape things could somehow change. and i always wanted to be in shape. i want to at least know what it's like. it's also nice to see progress. ever since i was a kid i enjoyed grinding and progressing. the gym is just some other kind of grinding game i guess... there are no positive people in my life. everyone is bored, depressed, edgy, toxic, dragging each other down. and those who are "positive" are just liars who don't keep their word, who don't care about others and are like that for the show. i met truly great people, i know what's fake when i see it. i just picked those who are dragging me down less and kept them closer. nobody i know enjoys to help others or support them. my closest friends are people that don't understand anything about life. they deem anyone that shows feelings to be cringy. i used to be exactly like this when i was a teenager, but i changed. why don't people just support each other and do whatever they feel and live beautiful and fullfiled lives? why do they have to drag each other down so much? i have no problem having conversations with taxi drivers for example, or other grown adults. but it's so damn hard to converse with people my age, who are not willing to speak and try to connect, who always look for the worst in things and who are shutting everything that is happy down. i've met some great people when i was younger, but back then i was the childish, dragging everyone down person. i was also not interested in meeting people. all i cared about was playing games, and damn i was happy doing so. i had a few close friends with which i'd play everyday.. but now i want different things, gaming is still fun, but not all day anymore. i've gone to parties and hangouts with the few friends i have. i have some crazy memories doing stuff with them.. but lately i felt so alone. i also never had a girlfriend. there have been very few girls i was interested in, maybe because i just haven't met enough yet. i don't even know how to flirt. but i want to learn, i want to meet people, meet girls, improve, feel like i live. but i don't know where or how. i tried to join student associacions, but people there were just the same as in my college. personality-less, sad, unwilling to talk foks. during my life, some girls even approached me, but i had no idea how to handle it, i didn't know what to say or how to react and i turned them down (some without even thinking beforehand). one drunk girl was even screaming how much she likes me, while her boyfriend was next to her. i just didn't know what to do. i said thanks i tried to approach some, but always got rejected. maybe i just don't know how to talk to people. but i don't even know what i'm doing wrong, to know what to fix. what i know is that i'm bad at talking in a lot of words. i'm always surprised in how much people can speak and say so little, in how many words they can express simple thought processes that are obvious, how they play with words. i sometimes have a hard time finding words to express myself. i have no fear in stating my point of view, when it matters, when i do something. but when just idly hanging out without talking about something specific, i have a hard time. most of the things i talk about are: university/school things, career things, games, serials, animes, plans for future, telling stories of what i did or heard, or just stating what i did in the past few days. i don't really know other things to talk about. it's also quite hard to practice conversation skills when almost nobody is willing to talk about anything remotely private. i was thinking on maybe finding some new hobbies. maybe start learning some martial arts and make use of the muscles i build in the gym. i also want to travel, but i can't do that until i finish college and get a job, since it's quite expensive. what do you people do all day long? what could i do instead of just sitting at the computer all day? what should i do? please help. i'm sick of this way of living. i am genuinely looking for answers, and ideas on how to improve.