What should i do to improve my life?

zavada

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#1
i don't even know where to ask this, but please, help.

i don't know what to do anymore. i feel so bored and empty most of the time. i don't even remember how it was to feel true joy and love.

i want to learn, to explore, to meet people, to enjoy, to live, to laugh, to dance, to scream, to dream, but i don't know what to do.

i spend most of my time playing games and watching anime/serials, or just doing nothing reading s**t on the internet.

it's not like i stay at home and play games all day to escape real life or something like that. i'm not afraid, i just don't know what to do out there. i never knew.

i do productive stuff too, i go to college and have no problems passing everything, i am sure i will find a job and get a nice salary once i'm done with college, though i don't really enjoy going to college, since it's a computer science one, and most people are very closed and shy/awkward/hateful, without personality (actually just afraid to show it i guess), i have a few colleagues with which i kinda get along, but we are not good friends or anything (we don't talk outside classes almost at all). most teachers are also bad at teaching, they hate being asked questions, and have no personality. but there are a few exceptions and i enjoy those classes.

i've been going to gym for the past few months, keeping track of my calories and seeing results, but my motivation for doing this is not quite nice. i go because everything is so boring and empty now that maybe, with a nice body and a nice shape things could somehow change. and i always wanted to be in shape. i want to at least know what it's like. it's also nice to see progress. ever since i was a kid i enjoyed grinding and progressing. the gym is just some other kind of grinding game i guess...

there are no positive people in my life. everyone is bored, depressed, edgy, toxic, dragging each other down. and those who are "positive" are just liars who don't keep their word, who don't care about others and are like that for the show. i met truly great people, i know what's fake when i see it. i just picked those who are dragging me down less and kept them closer. nobody i know enjoys to help others or support them. my closest friends are people that don't understand anything about life. they deem anyone that shows feelings to be cringy. i used to be exactly like this when i was a teenager, but i changed.

why don't people just support each other and do whatever they feel and live beautiful and fullfiled lives? why do they have to drag each other down so much?

i have no problem having conversations with taxi drivers for example, or other grown adults. but it's so damn hard to converse with people my age, who are not willing to speak and try to connect, who always look for the worst in things and who are shutting everything that is happy down.

i've met some great people when i was younger, but back then i was the childish, dragging everyone down person. i was also not interested in meeting people. all i cared about was playing games, and damn i was happy doing so. i had a few close friends with which i'd play everyday.. but now i want different things, gaming is still fun, but not all day anymore.

i've gone to parties and hangouts with the few friends i have. i have some crazy memories doing stuff with them.. but lately i felt so alone.

i also never had a girlfriend. there have been very few girls i was interested in, maybe because i just haven't met enough yet. i don't even know how to flirt. but i want to learn, i want to meet people, meet girls, improve, feel like i live. but i don't know where or how. i tried to join student associacions, but people there were just the same as in my college. personality-less, sad, unwilling to talk foks.

during my life, some girls even approached me, but i had no idea how to handle it, i didn't know what to say or how to react and i turned them down (some without even thinking beforehand). one drunk girl was even screaming how much she likes me, while her boyfriend was next to her. i just didn't know what to do. i said thanks

i tried to approach some, but always got rejected.

maybe i just don't know how to talk to people. but i don't even know what i'm doing wrong, to know what to fix. what i know is that i'm bad at talking in a lot of words. i'm always surprised in how much people can speak and say so little, in how many words they can express simple thought processes that are obvious, how they play with words. i sometimes have a hard time finding words to express myself.

i have no fear in stating my point of view, when it matters, when i do something. but when just idly hanging out without talking about something specific, i have a hard time.

most of the things i talk about are: university/school things, career things, games, serials, animes, plans for future, telling stories of what i did or heard, or just stating what i did in the past few days. i don't really know other things to talk about.

it's also quite hard to practice conversation skills when almost nobody is willing to talk about anything remotely private.

i was thinking on maybe finding some new hobbies. maybe start learning some martial arts and make use of the muscles i build in the gym. i also want to travel, but i can't do that until i finish college and get a job, since it's quite expensive.

what do you people do all day long? what could i do instead of just sitting at the computer all day?

what should i do? please help. i'm sick of this way of living.

i am genuinely looking for answers, and ideas on how to improve.
 
Joined
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#2
Hey Z, can I call you Z?

You remind me of myself when I was a teenager - drifting to different things and lacking any kind of direction in my life.
I studied Law at university just because it was expected of me, not because I was genuinely interested in it.

It took me a looong time to find direction. In fact, being diagnosed with cancer at 19 years old made me more acutely aware of what I DIDN'T want - a boring job in a law firm for example.

That cancer diagnoses started me on a journey. And I'm so grateful for it because of that.

I think you're on a journey too. You are a unique person and you have a purpose. Getting clarity on that purpose may not be easy. But it's there.

I suggest that you take up something that generally interests you and see if it continues to inspire you. Try new things, even if they seem scary or 'not cool'. You'll eventually find something you're really passionate about. Something you would work at for 70 hours a week even if you weren't getting paid. Seriously, it's true.

When you've found your passion, you won't need to get paid for it (although it's nice when you do!).

I would never have become a singer if my husband didn't secretly put my name down on a jam session list. But he forced me to do something I would never have chosen, and by stepping up and jumping in, I found that I LOVED it. Suddenly, I realised that I not only loved singing, but that I wasn't half bad at it either.

Finding the thing that gives you purpose starts with searching.
As the Good Book says, "Seek and you will find", you will find your unique calling if you continue searching.

Don't give up and don't do what your friends are doing just to fit in with them. Your path may be leading you down a different road.

Find people who speak with wisdom around you - young or old. And listen.

Your beautiful, fulfilled life awaits. Don't give up. I'm rootin' for ya.
 
Joined
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#3
Hey there,
Reading your story was so powerful because it resonated with me so much. It reminded me of the person I was a few years a go. Completely hopeless. Feeling empty and not knowing what to fill my void with. Wanting things but not feeling like I knew how to get them or even deserved them. Hopefully I can articulate the ideas that got me out of that situation.
First you have to realise that you don't have to know how you are going to improve for you to improve. That is, you don't need to have a plan that will take you from point A to point B. Thinking you do will drive you into inaction.
The solution is to get more data from the world. You don't think that you can achieve any of the things you want because you don't have enough information of how to go about achieving them. You don't have the intel.
The things that make life worthwhile happen in an unplanned way. Just focus on doing things that will make you see life from a different standpoint or put you in situations you have never been in. Maybe volunteering? Or travelling somewhere, or talking to random people on the street and tell them that you are bored and if they have any suggestions of what you could do with your time. The measure of success is not whether you are doing the RIGHT thing all the time but whether you are doing something that offers you a fresh perspective in life. Ideally you want this to be around other people. You derive your sense of self worth and information about social acceptability from others.
I strongly recommend you read "the war of art" , "why do I do that", "the power of now", "how to win friends and influence people", "the 7 haibts of highly effective people".
Like I say, I find your case extremely relateable, and I managed to build confidence and to pull myself out of that situation and live a more meaningful life so if you have more specific questions I'll be happy to answer (also many issues probably stem from the relationships with your family which are more personal to you, so it's hard to give deeper advice without that info)
 
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#4
your so courageous to be that open!

thanks for your story!

I was also in a very dark place years ago! I hated everything around me! I tot life sucks! there is so much I did not understand! but I was so lucky to live something amazing! it was really a second chance to life!
this experience I had broth me to understand how life works, and all I did wrong! I completely turn my live around and now with a complete new perception!

My advice to you, first step will be to change certain life habit to allow your self to be better guided! You see we have inner sense, and we close those sins with toxins that we feed of true are food the things we watch and listens at!
By clearing your energy, you will be much happier, be more attentive to your higher intelligence, that will allow you to create more life energy in you by putting your energy in the things that truly matter.

it s not easy when we dont understand that everything is energy and how they work. Are mind is sacred, everything you play in your mind build your character and your life. we have to be in control of are mind are we loose control of are life.

Something that tremendously help me before I came to a total understanding of energy and became consistent is fasting. Atlas once a mont, I take 1 to 4 days consecutive where I eat only green vegetable, in there days I wash no tv no music nothing that is not positive are there to teach me about my self are life. Everything I connect to is only personal growth book and videos. it is also very important to consume only organic, clean water with no fluoride, no tap water. meditate, look for what type meditation works for you. in there days every question I ask my self I alway get the ensures are be guide to it. Even if your question is how can I make 15000,000,000 in the next 5 year and be happy, you will be guide to the idea that will make that reality for you. there for careful for what you wish are ask for because you will be guide to it!
But once i get ensure something I did nod understand is consistency . after I will get my ensures, flot for those days, I will go back to my usual addictions. and get in the same cycle again cause I had no control over my mind. to much food tv shows bad habit addiction.

But the great thing the fasting did for me, is that I will get hit by such powerful truth, that where constantly working on me! And I always had the desire to know more and more, tel I master mind control.

try that and see what happen. Even if you start with one day and gradually ad up. And take the decision to eat organic, drink clean water only , that it self will make a big change for you. then learn about what type food is good for your body, cut the toxic ones one by one. the more simple food you eat cleare your mind will be, more control you will have. You will understand all the thing you do wrong that led you to the life you have. And you will be guide in how to heal and aline your energy to your better life.


love
verity
xo
 
Joined
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#5
Like attracts like homie so you'll need to have a moment of honesty with yourself and change the signal you're broadcasting into the world. Our self image of who we are, where we're headed, and who we are becoming, will determine our trajectory and the people in our life. Start to change your self image. Imagine yourself as someone who is popular, with good quality friends, naturally at ease talking with people. Write this down, what kind of clothes will you be wearing, what hair cut will you have, what car will you drive? Paint an image of your best self, the more details the better. Write this down on a notebook you keep by your bed and review it in the morning and at night. Start to become that person. Join extra curricular activities at your college, the college newspaper, AV club, something where you're interacting with other students and build your network!
 

Elhama

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#6
Hi "zavada",

I think you are a brave person that you are able to acknowledge your problem. Acknowledging a problem is the first step in solving it and for that I salute you. However, when I read your story, I noticed something. Although you are trying to solve your own problem, you seems to continuously focus on others around you. Now, I think that is a trap, we all fall into when we try to see what is happening in our life that makes it go wrong. I learned from some youtube videos I watched that we can not solve a problem lying inside us by focusing on the world outside us, so in my opinion which based on a knowledge I got from watching many youtube videos, you need to do the following steps to overcome the life situation you mentioned that you are facing:

  • First of all, you need to focus on yourself, what you feel and what is exactly inside you making you feel that way. Of course people around us affect us but I think the way and the degree of their effect depending on what is inside us. I think, there is something inside you that may trigger that exact attitude towards what people do to you. Sometimes, for example, low self-esteem, can lead to that a person ruminates about bad things that people did to them. A person with high self-esteem would not give much attention to the bad things people do to them. They just respond to it but not react to it and they do not ruminate about it because they believe in themselves and nothing happens can shake their belief in themselves. So, you have to grasp exactly the thing happening inside you making you so affected with people around you to the degree that they can make you feel down that way. From what you said about yourself, I think you have a high self-confidence, but I sensed from the way you talked about yourself, that you might need to raise your self-esteem. Dig deep into yourself and if you find it is a self-esteem issue, I highly recommend you to go onto the following links to watch the youtube videos regarding it and regarding focus.

  • You need to discover yourself. I guess you would be surprised how amazing person you are because I believe people who care to improve their life quality, are people that have good minds. Discover what you like and what you dislike, what catches your attention in life and what your heart truly loves most to stick to it. I like what “Elisa@IntentionalHomeLife” wrote regarding that and I agree with her following words;
I suggest that you take up something that generally interests you and see if it continues to inspire you.
You'll eventually find something you're really passionate about. Something you would work at for 70 hours a week even if you weren't getting paid. Seriously, it's true.

When you've found your passion, you won't need to get paid for it (although it's nice when you do!).
  • After discovering yourself and discovering the amazing beautiful mission that you are created to achieve in this life, try to be always in touch with who really you are and what you really are about through investing the first two hours after rising every day in your own self following the method mentioned in the youtube video which is called the "The 21 Day Mental Diet | Brian Tracy" . It includes main things to do repeatedly for 21 days such as:
    A- Motivating yourself by reading something inspirational or educational. For example, in my case, I found that a person can find much motivation and inspiration by contacting Allah "God" through prayer and reading Quran "God's book", especially in the first hour of the morning because by having faith in Him, a person can feel powered from His own unlimited power. Although, I found motivational youtube videos and motivational foreign movies very helpful, I think they should be accompanied by having faith, otherwise, they will not be effective enough.
    B- Writing down the goals you wish to achieve in your life without referring back to the goals you wrote the day before.
    c- Making a list of what you want to achieve at that day.

    I think it is very useful to repeat that method for 21 other days again and again from time to time as much as you need in order to stay in touch with yourself and your aims you want to achieve in your life. You can reach out to that video through the following link;
Finally, I agree with “completeverityregarding the following words;
it s not easy when we dont understand that everything is energy and how they work. Are mind is sacred, everything you play in your mind build your character and your life. we have to be in control of are mind are we loose control of are life.

So, you may want to try to control your mind and make it be your own best friend not your own best enemy. I wish you good luck.
With My Kind Regards
 
Last edited:

mswintz

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#7
You in fact are describing most people's lives in asking this question. I have struggled with it myself. I was good at "what I was supposed to be" good at. (school / going to the gym and all that) but I never felt fullfilled. In fact, I'd get anxiety from just the thought of extreme boredom and being ordinary.

My advice to you? Start reading books. There's a world of opportunity out there and I believe what you are feeling is the lack of opportunity in your life. (just like me) So start reading about those who have taken advantage of opportunities and created amazing lives for themselves. Don't like reading? Listen to podcasts. Same concept.

Also, join a community. You are on the right track with the martial arts thing. A lot of people are getting into martial arts these days. I don't do martial arts myself, but I grew up playing sports and I learned one thing....you develop a strong bond with those you suffer with. Martial arts will kick your ass and when you do that with a group of people you develop meaningful relationships with them. People who will choke you out and then teach you how to choke them out haha It's a group of supportive people who have a common goal. That's all you need.

Hope this gets you started.
 
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#8
hi i have passed the same phase earlier and now i m in better position. due to some severe adversities i felt myself miserable and helpless, empty from inside and hopeless and fearful for future. then i start listening lectures of siser shivani regularly and very slowly i feel the change. now i m enthusiastic about my life. i never miss those lectures as they are positive pills for my mind. as a blogger i have written my experiences in my blog- https://journeyandgoal.blogspot.in/2018/04/positive-pills-mind.html.