We fell in love with the same woman. Help!



I have a girl best friend for 5 years and I have been loving her secretly since then. She was sweet to me and I know she only did that because I AM HER BEST FRIEND. I was so stupid to misunderstand it as something else. It was late when I realized I already fell for her. My mom likes her very much. She’s already close to my entire family too. Everything is fine with me as long as she is there for me. For 5 years that we have been best friends, I have never seen her loving somebody else. I took it as a sign that she likes me too. However, I cannot tell her how I feel because of someone; I value our friendship and most of all, because of someone very close to me-- my brother. Just a week ago, my younger brother told me he loved my best friend. He even asked me to help him out. I was broken when I heard it. I had a lead that he likes her. I just thought it was nothing. Since I was young, I used to sacrifice what I want for my little brother. I love him that much but things are different this way. I love my brother but I love my best friend too. I love them both and I was puzzled as to what to do with this. Should I sacrifice my love for my best friend and help my brother or ignore my brother and tell my best friend what I truly feel instead? Does the latter make me a bad brother? Help!


Coaching Member
May 27, 2018
It's quite a situation that you got there, friend :)

Before you decide anything, there is one most important question: how does SHE feel?

Maybe she isn't interested in either of you, and therefore your problem is solved (you or your brother won't have to sacrifice anything for the other).

If she is interested in you, then there is nothing your brother can do. If she is interested in your brother, then there is nothing you can do (nothing you should do too). I would prefer that she is interested in someone else, and you and your brother also go out and meet other girls so that all three of you can remain friends.

Your brotherhood and friendship are already built, while a romantic relationship would be starting from zero. I would prioritize brotherhood and friendship and find a romantic relationship elsewhere. But I know it can be difficult to let go of something you've been holding on to for five years.