Uncomfortable with Attention!

Jdrummys

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#1
As a kid and even now I have always shied away from being the center of attention and never took praise too well. Now I play in a band, and do love to play in front of people...but of course I am the drummer in the back (I could never be up there by myself, or even play a solo!). Which leads to the topic of my 10 year old daughter. She is a very talented singer, and is not shy about doing it in front of ANYONE. For example she has sang in front of her whole school at their talent show and she just sang the National Anthem at her swim team's meet and everyone thought she did such a good job, that they asked her to do it again next week at the League Championship. She also always asks if she can try out for Americas Got Talent (which I know she would have a one in a million shot of making) and I have said No thus far. Part of me is worried about her not staying grounded from all the praise she is getting and not wanting it to get to her head. But I think deep down I am also uncomfortable with the attention. This is also causing conflict with my wife, who grew up wanting to be center of attention as well. Please help me with this
 
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#2
Hi @Jdrummys I'm also a shy person and a musician (I play keyboard). First, I want to say that you and your wife make a good team if she is the people person and you are the behind the scenes support. There are many ways you can use this to your advantage and win in life (y)

I would say to let your daughter pursue what she desires. America's Got Talent is a long shot, my main worry wouldn't be the attention, but the possibility of her confidence being destroyed (if the judges are harsh). If it were me, I would make sure that it wasn't me getting in the way of my daughter's success.

Regarding being shy, I found that in my case it was because of what my parents told me growing up. My Mom would do things for me, so I thought I wasn't capable of doing it myself, and it made my shy in front of people (because I felt incompetent). But of course that's not true, and once I realized it, I became much less shy (although I still avoid crowds of people now and then).

Cheers!
 

MoreSuccess

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#3
I agree, let her do it. The risk of harm seems minimal and if you don't, she might harbor resentment towards you for the rest of her life. I think I would want to warn her that the show is not a true talent contest, rather it's entertainment to the TV audience. And that means they will exaggerate both on the positive side and the negative side, e.g. rave about acts that aren't all that great, and be harsh on acts that are good but not exactly what they are looking for. And perhaps a little pep talk about how successful people in life always have a string of failures, but they don't look at them as failures, rather as learning what didn't work.
 

VEM

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#4
I would say to let your daughter pursue what she desires. America's Got Talent is a long shot, my main worry wouldn't be the attention, but the possibility of her confidence being destroyed (if the judges are harsh). If it were me, I would make sure that it wasn't me getting in the way of my daughter's success.
I agree, let her do it. The risk of harm seems minimal and if you don't, she might harbor resentment towards you for the rest of her life. I think I would want to warn her that the show is not a true talent contest, rather it's entertainment to the TV audience. And that means they will exaggerate both on the positive side and the negative side, e.g. rave about acts that aren't all that great, and be harsh on acts that are good but not exactly what they are looking for. And perhaps a little pep talk about how successful people in life always have a string of failures, but they don't look at them as failures, rather as learning what didn't work.

I too agree with these members, let her do it yet talk to her and make sure she understands that it may not go the way she expects. As MoreSuccess posted and I think that's a good point - If you don't let her do it she's gonna always wonder what would've happened and feel like you took away from her an opportunity that could've led to where she wanted to be. Look at it this way. If she doesn't do well then let that be a learning experience for her. The emotional pain of failure is something that can build character if there are people around someone that can help lift them up and make them understand that they must get over it and learn to get back up all by themselves. You seem like a dedicated dad. Just be there no matter what.

Be good my friend.
 

Visitor

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#5
As a kid and even now I have always shied away from being the center of attention and never took praise too well. Now I play in a band, and do love to play in front of people...but of course I am the drummer in the back (I could never be up there by myself, or even play a solo!). Which leads to the topic of my 10 year old daughter. She is a very talented singer, and is not shy about doing it in front of ANYONE. For example she has sang in front of her whole school at their talent show and she just sang the National Anthem at her swim team's meet and everyone thought she did such a good job, that they asked her to do it again next week at the League Championship. She also always asks if she can try out for Americas Got Talent (which I know she would have a one in a million shot of making) and I have said No thus far. Part of me is worried about her not staying grounded from all the praise she is getting and not wanting it to get to her head. But I think deep down I am also uncomfortable with the attention. This is also causing conflict with my wife, who grew up wanting to be center of attention as well. Please help me with this
The golden rule: Live and let live.
Our own fear ought not be projected onto others, or else they will become you. (Like father like . . .daughter).
The greatest lessons are those we discover for ourself. Especially when we have heard the lesson beforehand and then experience it afterwards. "Ah, now I understand!"
Let her do what her heart wants to do.

Champion drummers, singers, athletes, etc., have the capacity to focus on their own procedures and not worry about stuffing up. If they worry about it then they are incapable of focussing on the procedures and they inevitably stuff up.

I had trouble too with getting attention. I was told to just say thank you and then shutup. Guess what, it worked, and the pain of attention was short and sweet.