The Gift of Love


Jan 24, 2016
HI, I'm a new member that taught and wrote in lifeskills for quite awhile. In reading some of the posts in relationships, I though perhaps some might gain from one of my earlier articles written around 1982. I had long wished to understand how love worked, and in a period of rapid growth and change, I wrote down what I had learned about it. I'm posting it below. I hope that some find value and understanding from it.


Love is a gift one person wishes to give to another.
Love exists only as a gift.
To want love is to desire, to expect or be dependent on love is to require.
Love can be desired, but not required; for then it becomes obligation and duty.

Every act of love contributes to us, increasing our inner resource.
Every act of duty takes from us, decreasing our inner resource.
For every act of love received, two more acts of love may be given.
For every act of duty required, two less acts of love may be given.
Greater requirements and expectations preclude the possibility of love.
Lesser requirements and expectations enhance the possibility of love.

When a person is mature enough to experience and appreciate a love relationship,
they respect, protect and support it- acts of love.
When a person is too immature to appreciate a love relationship, they proclaim love,
but they use and abuse it, filling needs only to meet or create obligation- acts of duty.
The quality of support one contributes is a reflection of the maturity of the person and the value of the relationship to them.

Love is not given in expectation of reward, but it is given as a gift of value.
The value of love is in it's beneficial effect on the other person's life.
Love which is neither appreciated nor used beneficially is thrown away and can provide no value.
That action is a reflection of the recipient's ability to accept, appreciate or utilize the love given; not a statement of the value of the gift.

If you continually throw love away, you will begin to doubt your love has value.
If you doubt your love has value, you will begin to doubt if you have value.
If you doubt you have value, you are in danger of losing your most valuable possession, yourself...
the source of all you give, all you are or ever will be.

When you give a gift to a person who requires nothing, they see a gift and feel appreciated. They respond and thank you, and you feel appreciated. You both win.

When you give a gift to a person who believes it's owed to them, they see a payment. You are supporting the illusion which cripples them, and they are unable to feel appreciation for you. You both lose.

The only difference is in the recipient's perspective... and you cannot change that.

If you wish to know love, you must learn...
To give and receive acts of love, not acts of duty.
To measure love by what is given, not what was expected.
To recognize and appreciate your own personal value.
To select a recipient mature enough to appreciate your gifts of love.