Struggling with taking charge of my life

MDz

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Hello everybody

I have this huge problem that's been haunting me for last 3 months. I'm totally stuck and I struggle everyday to overcome it, but it seems that there is no end. I'm getting bored and obsessed at the same time.
The problem is that I want to do these things:

-Launch my professional blog already, the first step would be to start writing content
-Learn for my exams that I have within month on my Uni
-Focus on development in my social skills
-Sleep as little as possible, 6h/day would be awesome
-Along with doing all these things, still to have some spare time to read a PD book and implement it, make music etc.

What the reality looks like today? I have merely some post ideas for my blog and ordered hosting with domain name. I didn't start learning for exams at all. Due to procrastination of the above I "have no time" to work on my social skills (I barely have any social life at all and I know how greater I would do and feel if I had one). Due to laziness and being in a rut I sleep 9-10h, sometimes 11h and I hate it and feel guilty about it (however I know that feeling guilty doesn't help with anything).

I've recently read "Your Erroneous Zones" by Wayne Dyer and "Un procrastinate" by Leo Babauta and I was sure that I will break those habits of laziness and procrastination (that I seem to be carrying from my childhood), but it didn't happen.

Over the last 3+ months I tried time tracking on a spreadsheet, I tried Getting Things Done, I tried Zen To Done, I tried a custom checklist spreadsheet with my friend, I've recently made myself a wrist band where you have several sections such as "eating", "exercising", "gaining knowledge", "planning/evaluating" etc. and you can twist the band so you can only see one of these sections - designed to help me focusing and to have better control of my life. And along with all those attempts, I re-evaluated my life, my goals and tried to change many habits with 30 day trials countless times.

And all these attempts worked. For 3-4 days from starting, sometimes less, sometimes more.

Although I have much less motivation to fulfill my potential and pursue my dreams, I still acknowledge how great my potential is and want to fulfill it. I want to escape from this shithole that I've been living all my life (1m city in Central Europe) and I want to travel all around the world, using income streams from internet business. After I'll be on my own (my parents support my financially now and I hate it) and won't have to worry about earning a living that much (since most of my income will be passive), I'd like to start some more serious and profitable business(es), flip them for millions and have financial freedom for the rest of my life. I want to do Wingsuit Basejumping, Moto Cross rallys, pilot license, race exotic cars on tracks, pick up girls all over the world, experience so many things and have all the freedom and fun on this planet that I can.
Yet I prefer to choose living like I'm living right now. And I'm stuck. And by the way, I'm 20.

What to do?
Any help much appreciated.
 
A

artistry

Guest
You have time to do all these things, based on the law of averages. But my thought is, that you want to do too many things at one time and you are over whelming yourself. Separate out those things that are most important and that have a short time line, i.e., studying for your exams. Prioritize your list and put it into categories. That way things will get done and you won't feel so out of control. Good luck.
 

MoreSuccess

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I think dependence on the parents can be part of the problem, as it can keep you in mindset of being a dependent child rather than an independent adult. When I was your age, what tended to focus me was knowing my parent's financial support was ending soon and if I didn't graduate and get into a decent job, the rest of my life might suck. That was a scary thought but it motivated me to stay focused on that and not worry too much about social life. Improvements in my social skills came later, and having some successes behind you helps for sure. There's no easy answer, time management/goal systems will only work to the extent you have the deep motivation for change.

6 hours of sleep may not be enough for good health, I wouldn't sacrifice that. You can sleep 7-8 hours and still have plenty of hours left in the day to do a lot.

I wouldn't count too much on Internet streams of income to come very quickly. It's extremely competitive and you're going up against people with years of experience and lots of resources. And that income can change upon the whims of things like Google changing it's search engine algorithm. If you're blogging because you like writing, then you're more likely to be successful, and keep with the "build it and they will come" attitude, with a willingness to wait years to make a significant profit if that's what it takes.
 
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Based on your statement I think its quiet hard fore you to handle all these matters that is I think you need a coach or just a person that my help you to give you courage to keep going and able you to take care all of these.
 

MDz

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Aug 22, 2012
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Hi

The reason why I'm replying so late is because I've found it difficult to get my thoughts together - and I've been procrastinating on this reply since Friday. Meanwhile I got cold (I'm sick) and didn't unstuck myself at all. But I feel like doing it today :)

I really appreciate your responses, especially since I'm new to this forum, I wrote this wall of text and didn't come up with very concrete question.


I think dependence on the parents can be part of the problem, as it can keep you in mindset of being a dependent child rather than an independent adult. When I was your age, what tended to focus me was knowing my parent's financial support was ending soon and if I didn't graduate and get into a decent job, the rest of my life might suck.
It is actually the major part of the problem, since if I absolutely had to earn my living, I would be "naturally determined" to do so and I would be working my ass off rather than doing nothing productive all day.
I'm often thinking about some kind of extreme solution that would force me to work my ass off. So basically speaking - leaving parents and surviving somewhere somehow. There are always few concerns though:

1. In my country, its economy and job market, there is hardly any way to get by working part-time jobs.
2. Even if I somehow managed it, it would be extremely frugal and exhausting, to the point where I would risk health and have no time what so ever to work on projects that would help me make my way out of that kind of living (i.e. freelancing, passive income streams)
3. I hardly have cash for a plane to some cheap and exotic places, leave alone savings to get by for a month. Even if I did, economy and job opportunity in those places are even worse.

And as much often as I think about it, I come up with a statement that goes something like this: "No point to reach the bottom by choice. Here and now I'm capable of making 10x more efficient/quality streams of internet income. I can work my way out of here faster, more civilized and most of all, smarter." Yet I choose not to work my ass off, obviously. And then I spend time over analyzing and come up with above solutions - it's a closed cycle.


6 hours of sleep may not be enough for good health, I wouldn't sacrifice that. You can sleep 7-8 hours and still have plenty of hours left in the day to do a lot.
You're right. I'd rather sleep 7-8 hours and be more rested, especially since I exercise pretty heavily and pretty much everyday.
I was just overestimating myself at the time I was writing about those 6 hours. I read few stories about great men who were so committed to what they were doing that they spent as little time as possible to sleep, e.g. Edison.


I wouldn't count too much on Internet streams of income to come very quickly. It's extremely competitive and you're going up against people with years of experience and lots of resources. And that income can change upon the whims of things like Google changing it's search engine algorithm. If you're blogging because you like writing, then you're more likely to be successful, and keep with the "build it and they will come" attitude, with a willingness to wait years to make a significant profit if that's what it takes.
Thank you for your advice, but that doesn't discourage me. There are so many reasons why I look at my future way of making a living by internet passive income streams (and later after collecting huge amounts of money - by RORs, ROIs and other financial market ways which are also a form of passive income) that I wouldn't know where to begin. Actually the earlier I'll start taking action, the earlier I'll start to live a life of freedom and fulfillment. It's that simple.

Yes, I know it's not quick, I know it takes patience, lots of fails etc. But I'm willing to fail, yet I strongly believe that if I'm going to start today and be persistent, I can work myself out of here in 6-12 months.
And even if I wouldn't make it in that period of time, which is a pretty useless and self-defeating thing to even assume, but even if I wouldn't - then hey. I've just gained tons of knowledge, hundreds of tons of practice, I've learned from hundreds of failures, I've educated myself in the field which I've chosen to be a part of my life and a way to make my living. And I can't even imagine now how many rich and diverse experiences I shall have within this period of time. Even if I start 20 blogs or businesses and I fail at every each of them, I'm much much closer to success than I would be starting 0 blogs or businesses.

And tell you even more. I'm sure by 100% that I'm going to enjoy that period of time (regardless of financial effects) than I would be by spending this time like 99.8% of adults like me (from middle class) - attending university because parents and society tells to do so and there are no other ideas to spend next 5 years. I've been there and I'm sick of this s**t. I've also been working my ass off in NGO and in call centre and I'm sick of this s**t too. But the thing that I'm most fed up with is the laziness I've been developing all my life. Conditions and my mother helped a lot in development of this awful human feature but I'm taking all the responsibility.


Based on your statement I think its quiet hard fore you to handle all these matters that is I think you need a coach or just a person that my help you to give you courage to keep going and able you to take care all of these.
Yeah, a person (especially a person within my physical reach, here in my city) would definitely help to some point, but most importantly that person would help me to get started and get some momentum. If I had known somebody capable of helping me, I would definitely contact them, but I don't. I don't have a budget for a professional coach.
Earlier this year I had someone close to a coach, more like a partner. We were coaches to each others, there were great moments as well as some less pleasant. It helped me (and him) controlling our lives but only to some point. Then it started getting worse and worse. We falled into pattern of starting over and over with our plans, statements and productivity systems till the time they started to become next to meaningless. We started being less and less committed. I also discovered that it's extremely risky to rely on any other human being (at least in my conditions) and that I will have to have the ability to motivate myself, to commit myself and to get unstuck whenever I find myself being stuck, anyway.



On the topic:
I'm starting today. Right now its 7 PM here, I'm going to do a lot of brainstorming on papers and some research so that I will clearly know the following:

-What rituals and habits to implement
-What are my short-term and long-term goals
-How is my workflow and productivity system going to work

I'm going to start a topic (today) that will include my daily reports which will be organized in a structure of my choice.
It's a WIN-WIN: I will stay committed and you will witness a pretty much complete changeover, which is pretty rare.
And there goes question to Mods: where should I start such topic? Which subforum?


I still consider this topic as open for opinions and advice.

Thanks for reading if anybody made it this far :D
 

MoreSuccess

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Great response, I agree with everything, and you have a lot of wisdom already for being just 20 (I'm 51). I also feel it wouldn't make sense to remove yourself from some dependence on parents, it has more potential downside than upside, and you already seem to know it's within you to make the changes without forcing yourself into it. Very good points on the Internet, it's been my philosophy as well. I've always had fun building websites and trying things even when they failed, and like you point out they were all learning experiences. And the ones that succeeded took a lot of time but I was in no hurry. I sure hear you on the passive income, it can mean income for life if you set it up well. It's also a great creative outlet doing things like blogging or posting on the forums, and enjoyable to meet others and swap ideas.

That forum you chose is fine by the way.
 
A

artistry

Guest
Keep up the good work, take it one day at at time. Try to keep up your strength, exercising moderately will certainly help. Good luck.
 
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MysteriousMommy

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Sep 7, 2012
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After reading all of this thread I am curious for an update. I have to tell you that I don't know you (obviously), but you remind me very much of someone I do know. This person is very dear to me, and he doesn't have a problem with laziness, but he definitely has issues with follow through. The very lengthy response you posted above, I swear, could've been written by him.
I know you may be asking, "what does this have to do with me?" Well, I will tell you! :)

You are spending a LOT of time planning what you will do, making lists about what you will do, talking about what you will do, etc. The problem I see is that...these are all things that you WILL do... This friend of mine reminds me so much of you because he spends SO much time preparing to do and thinking about doing that he very rarely actually DOES. I think you may be falling into a similar trap.

Anyway, as I said above, I am curious for an update. I'd like to know how you are coming along with putting things into action. You have good plans and good intentions!! :)