Struggling with Breakup Grief

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Oct 23, 2018
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#1
I struggle with anxiety and depression and today my bf (of whom I trusted and was very patient with) broke up with me. I recently began college class (in Game Art and Design) so I’ve been pretty busy lately with hardly any time for myself. I would notify my bf beforehand and explain what’s been going on, BUT, he takes it as if I’ve been a complete jerk to him. He was “perfect”, “kind”, and a true “gentleman” before until his behavior drastically changed. Now all he ever did was find any little thing to guilt trip me, pointing only my faults and how I’ve been neglecting him. I was never rude to him. He would usually start to fight with me for every little thing. Apparently he was lonely ever since I began university, he didn’t want to wait for me until I was done with my studies yet he expects me to wait for him to make something of his life. (He didn’t finished school and would complain how school is a “drag.”) I would expect him to be supportive and all but instead he just morphed into somebody I don’t know, we’ve been together for about 3 years. Sorry that this is long..but me struggling to open up to at least 1 person was a challenge, and now I lost that person who was once very dear to me. I feel so broken and as if I was the cause of all this. Any advice how to get over this grief.?
 

Mr RR

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Oct 31, 2018
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#2
Stay patient only time will heal you.I have been through same situation took me 3 years to come out of it.
 
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#3
You will one day understand that this experience was a boon to you even though it seems liek a disaster now. It will make you stronger and better as a human being. Just because you are now in grief does not mean it is bad in your life. It is bad now but for later it will be something that will make you take better decisions and make better choices for you and your happiness.

It is impossible roght now to focus on the positive, you feel you need to struggle with the grief and pain so you focus you involuntarily focus your attention on that. Try to think about it as leas as possible. Whenever you can try to do and see things that have no relation to him. Do things that you have not done before when you were together with him. Maybe is something that you always wanted to do but you didn't got the chance to. Maybe go to a museum, go to theatre, go travel or anything as such. I mean you need to create new memories and new experiences so that the old ones with him to slowly fade away from your mind.

Hope this helps. Wish you all the best.
 

denydritz

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#4
I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how painful it is to lose a meaningful connection.

There are two choices you can take: One, is to try and get back together. Two, is to move on.

It seems moving on is the better choice, because if I understand your story correctly, his attitude is a problem. You say that you're not rude to him, but he abruptly is rude to you and throws accusations at you. This behavior isn't a sign of a healthy relationship, and can instead become an abusive one if it continues.

Moving on means dissolving your grief. Perhaps you can try to identify what part of the relationship is the most valuable to you? Usually, it's not that the other person is special, but it's because we become a different version of ourselves that we like, that we're not when we're single.

If you can extract that part of your good self when you were in a relationship with him, and love that part of your self, then I believe it can heal your grief and make you realize it's not him that makes you sad.