Self Esteem - Turning Criticism into Confidence!

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#1
self-es·teemˈˌself əˈstēm/noun
confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect."assertiveness training for those with low self-esteem"synonyms:self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself; morale, self-confidence, confidence, self-assurance


Often times we misjudge ourselves and our own abilities in various areas of success. This can be due to a multitude of factors; including, past failures, a lack of ability, a change in relationships or environment, or poor body-image. Perhaps one of the factors that most negatively affects our self-esteem is criticism; either from our peers or from ourselves. So how do we get over these feelings of unworthiness? The answer is simple; not easy, but simple none the less. In order to get over our feelings of poor self worth we must learn to turn our criticisms into confidence; and the best way to do that is to simply own them and re-frame them as feedback. Feedback is one of the best friends we can have on the path from Welfare to Well-off, and is an integral component in our success tool-belt.
In order to take criticism as feedback we must first learn not to take things personally. With outside criticism, we have to remember, that most people are so negative and down on themselves they often project their own insecurities on others.

Story time! Marshal was younger he was playing with his older brother Fred in the streets of Los Angeles. Fred was a portly fellow and Marshal was fit and trim. They decided to have a race, on the countdown right before they left the starting line, Fred yelled at Marshal, "I'll see you at the finish line fatty!"

This threw Marshal for a loop and affected his psychology so bad that he not only lost the race, he was insecure about his weight for quite some time, even though he was fit as a fiddle! This affected his psychology for a few weeks, until Marshal took a step back and realized that Fred was the fat one! How ridiculous was that!?
At the same time, Marshal also noticed that there was a history of chubby folks in his family and also realized that he was keeping the same eating habits as them.
From that point on Marshal made the decision to not allow what others said to affect him in such a negative way, and also that he would in fact do the opposite. He decided to start studying proper nutrition and exercise strategies and integrated them into his lifestyle. To this day, thirty years later, Marshal is still thin and athletic and has carried these eating habits over to his wife and children who adopted his nutrition habits and active life-style.

On the road from Welfare to Well-off taking proper stranger feedback is a necessary tool in order to change our lives for the better. It's not always people solely projecting their insecurities on you, it may be mixed with a speck or a boat load of truth and it's important to recognize that truth.
When someone gives us a criticism we should instead of taking it personally and letting it affect us to our core; we should step back and ask ourselves, "Which part of this is true?"

Once we realize the amount of truth in the criticism we should change it to feedback by taking the truth from the criticism and own it one-hundred percent! Even if they're only one percent right, take that one percent and own one-hundred percent of it! From there we can then ask ourselves the qualifying question; if this is wrong, what is right, and what do we need to do to get there!

I myself used to have a problem with my anger. Whenever I would be told something I didn't like or face confrontation I would yell and punch things. After I was told by some of my loved ones it was a problem, I asked them what would they like me to be like and who would be a good example. After they told me they would like me to be like another friend in the community, I ended up looking at them and modeling their behavior. I spent more time with them and people who reminded me of them. I also got online and began reading anger management blogs and watching videos and taking courses on the subject.

Once I was able to identify the character defect and own it; I was then able to find the tools and resources necessary to start working on myself!

What I originally took as a criticism, I turned into feedback; and I have a much happier and productive life with improved social relationships because of it!

CALL TO ACTION: Think about something in your character or habits you're insecure about and then find a friend, a trustworthy and sweet friend who will tell you like it is if you ask and not sugar coat it, but do so in a respectful manner once they know your intentions.
Ask them about the area of your character that you feel you wish to improve. Ask them their opinion and then resolve to change that character defect and behavior. If it's a bad behavior, think about and visualize yourself engaging in corrective action and flipping that behavior to a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.
 

JJ Inkpen

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#2
self-es·teemˈˌself əˈstēm/noun
confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect."assertiveness training for those with low self-esteem"synonyms:self-respect, pride, dignity, self-regard, faith in oneself; morale, self-confidence, confidence, self-assurance


Often times we misjudge ourselves and our own abilities in various areas of success. This can be due to a multitude of factors; including, past failures, a lack of ability, a change in relationships or environment, or poor body-image. Perhaps one of the factors that most negatively affects our self-esteem is criticism; either from our peers or from ourselves. So how do we get over these feelings of unworthiness? The answer is simple; not easy, but simple none the less. In order to get over our feelings of poor self worth we must learn to turn our criticisms into confidence; and the best way to do that is to simply own them and re-frame them as feedback. Feedback is one of the best friends we can have on the path from Welfare to Well-off, and is an integral component in our success tool-belt.
In order to take criticism as feedback we must first learn not to take things personally. With outside criticism, we have to remember, that most people are so negative and down on themselves they often project their own insecurities on others.

Story time! Marshal was younger he was playing with his older brother Fred in the streets of Los Angeles. Fred was a portly fellow and Marshal was fit and trim. They decided to have a race, on the countdown right before they left the starting line, Fred yelled at Marshal, "I'll see you at the finish line fatty!"

This threw Marshal for a loop and affected his psychology so bad that he not only lost the race, he was insecure about his weight for quite some time, even though he was fit as a fiddle! This affected his psychology for a few weeks, until Marshal took a step back and realized that Fred was the fat one! How ridiculous was that!?
At the same time, Marshal also noticed that there was a history of chubby folks in his family and also realized that he was keeping the same eating habits as them.
From that point on Marshal made the decision to not allow what others said to affect him in such a negative way, and also that he would in fact do the opposite. He decided to start studying proper nutrition and exercise strategies and integrated them into his lifestyle. To this day, thirty years later, Marshal is still thin and athletic and has carried these eating habits over to his wife and children who adopted his nutrition habits and active life-style.

On the road from Welfare to Well-off taking proper stranger feedback is a necessary tool in order to change our lives for the better. It's not always people solely projecting their insecurities on you, it may be mixed with a speck or a boat load of truth and it's important to recognize that truth.
When someone gives us a criticism we should instead of taking it personally and letting it affect us to our core; we should step back and ask ourselves, "Which part of this is true?"

Once we realize the amount of truth in the criticism we should change it to feedback by taking the truth from the criticism and own it one-hundred percent! Even if they're only one percent right, take that one percent and own one-hundred percent of it! From there we can then ask ourselves the qualifying question; if this is wrong, what is right, and what do we need to do to get there!

I myself used to have a problem with my anger. Whenever I would be told something I didn't like or face confrontation I would yell and punch things. After I was told by some of my loved ones it was a problem, I asked them what would they like me to be like and who would be a good example. After they told me they would like me to be like another friend in the community, I ended up looking at them and modeling their behavior. I spent more time with them and people who reminded me of them. I also got online and began reading anger management blogs and watching videos and taking courses on the subject.

Once I was able to identify the character defect and own it; I was then able to find the tools and resources necessary to start working on myself!

What I originally took as a criticism, I turned into feedback; and I have a much happier and productive life with improved social relationships because of it!

CALL TO ACTION: Think about something in your character or habits you're insecure about and then find a friend, a trustworthy and sweet friend who will tell you like it is if you ask and not sugar coat it, but do so in a respectful manner once they know your intentions.
Ask them about the area of your character that you feel you wish to improve. Ask them their opinion and then resolve to change that character defect and behavior. If it's a bad behavior, think about and visualize yourself engaging in corrective action and flipping that behavior to a more appropriate and acceptable behavior.
Great post, have come from a highly critical background and didn't understand the ramifications at first, usually, its rooted in rejection a lack of love. I have overcome a lot of this and it is about retraining your thinking with the truth and being around the right people. Do you recommend any assertiveness training courses?