Problems with action

Stalv

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Dec 12, 2013
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I have allways been enthusiastic about self-development and develop into a best possible version of my self, but my main problem is by actually get my self out there and doing what I need to change. I always have a lot ideas for what I can do, like speak to one new person each day, practice my reading skills etc. I always start out with good faith, and keep up the change for a couple of days before it wears off. Sometimes I give some half motivated attempts to keep it up, but it suddenly just stops.

Then, again, I come over a new idea of change i want in my life and the same procedure occurs with no results. I am sitting here, wanting more than ever to do some changes in my life, but I get new ideas every day and it all seems so overwhelming that i just end up passive. How can I push my self do the ACTION that is needed and not just talk?
 

Joe1776

Coaching Member
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Oct 15, 2013
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Stalv, you are not alone. We all have the same problem.

We are creatures of habit. So, to bring about changes, we have to reform habits. We do that by repetition of the habit we want which will automatically displace the habit we don't want. I'll make a couple of suggestions.

Make your new habit cover lots of ground. Let's suppose you want to form the habit to treat Alice with more kindness. It would be better if you would resolve to treat everyone with more kindness, Alice included. Then, on your daily schedule, you remind yourself. "Treat everyone with more kindness today."

When you screw up -- and you will -- don't be hard on yourself. Just pick yourself up and start again. If you never quit, success in reforming this habit is inevitable. At some point, when the action you want has been repeated often enough, your subconscious will take over, the new habit will be formed, and you won't have to think about it again.
 

selfmade

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Apr 16, 2013
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When it comes to goals, I think it's best to start small. It sounds like you want to network/socialize more and you want to improve your reading skills. Since you have the internet, why not take a free literature class? Or, check out one interesting book from your library and read a bit every day. Log your progress on a regular basis, perhaps weekly, to keep your motivation up. As for socializing, you already have a good plan of action. One thing that might be holding you back...are you sure you really want the goals you have set? If you aren't acting on them it may be that these things are not true values to you. In that case, you will never find the motivation to continue with your plan. So, make sure you are working on things you really want.
 

namktqs

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Jul 31, 2014
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If you want to change something or want to do something, just do it, and do it, and do it. You don't know how to do it? Do it anyway. When we done any task we must to do, it will motivate we do it more, increase our worth. With more knowledge and experience we have more ability. Just do it.
 

flad264

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May 9, 2014
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The best thing that I have ever done to improve myself is to willfully limit the amount of time that I have to think about doing something. Like you something that I have realized is that if I want to do something and I sit and think about doing it for to long then I am never able to make it happen. So I like to train myself now that if I think about something I limit that amount of time that I think about doing it and I just do it.
 

._Eva

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Jul 27, 2014
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Sometimes I had so much I wanted to do, and also a lot of enthusiasm and will to do it, but when I started thinking about what to do first, where to start, all of a sudden my enthusiasm turned into apathy and stillness. Because I felt it was just too much, I knew it would require a lot of energy and time and I started wondering if I am even capable of realising any of my ideas, let along all of them. When I was able to push myself into trying to form healthy habbits it was always very difficult, I usually failed after a day or two and then just gave up all together. I would like to share a few things that helped me deal with procrastination and passivity. It helps to be reminded:

1. Change is a process and it demands failure. (Same goes for achieving goals, learning something new, ...) There's no way around that. It's not about the days when we perform excellently and make no mistakes, it's about the days when we fail miserably, but then dust ourselves up and continue trying. After every failure I was very disappointed and my will to do anything was completely gone. Sometimes it took me a few days of being sad and still, before I found some hope in me to go on. And after each such failure I was a little stronger and a little better. In time I started to see and understand what an important part failure has on the path of progress. It still makes me sad, but I embrace my disappointment and just keep going. It has gotten a lot easier.

2. Starting with small goals helps from getting overwhelmed. I took the change I wanted to make, and broke it down into very small goals. Like going for a walk every few days, reading one book every two months, etc. I made my goals so easy that I was able to achieve them, or even do better. (Sometimes I failed, but that's okey.) Achieving my small goals made me feel good and it created a sort of a safety net. When my big goals seemed far away and unreachable, I just had to remind myself of the change I already achieved, and it made me feel more optimistic and confident - maybe I'm not there yet, but I'm deffinetely on my way.

3. Discipline is not as effective as kindness and understanding. We tend to be quite cruel to ourselves in situations where we would treat others with kindness and understanding. We are always dissappointed, nothing we do is really good enough, every mistake is proof of our incapability and even if we do have a half good idea, we can never follow through. If you have problems with being active, trying to enforce strict discipline on yourself can be quite distructive. It can create a stronger fear of failure and procrastination. What helped me, was looking at myself as if I were my child. There are obviously healthy habbits I wish I had learned in my childhood, but never did. And you know that trying to learn them as a grown-up is not easier, it's a lot harder. I imagined that the child in me that never developed some of it's potential is still there, trying to learn. And I had to give her time and loving support. It's very difficult to adopt this way of thinking, after all we want to see ourselves as strong people, not vulnerable children. But it helps you to develop some positive feelings towards yourself. At one point in our lives we should learn to love and cherish ourselves in order to be content and happy. So why not start now. When you shift focus from what you don't like about yourself to what you are proud of, you make your good habbits stronger, and take away some of the hold that your bad habbits have over you. When you are kind and understanding to yourself when you fail, you have grown and achieved more than you would by never failing. If never failing was possible, which it isn't and thank god for that.