Looking to get out on the field to improve with women and people in general. Any Buffalo locals with like minds? Reaching out..

Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Messages
4
Points
1
I'm a social hermit looking to break out of his shell and find some friends who are into self betterment. I don't know anyone with those kinds of priorities. All of my friends are more focused on working and netflix and chilling or whatever. Everybody I surround myself just tells me what I wanna hear, so someone who can shine a light on where I'm fucking up would be helpful. Doesn't even necessarily HAVE to be local, even a virtual buddy that I could chat with to get some outside perspective would be great. If you are local though and interested in getting better with women and bettering yourself in general, hit me up because that is precisely what I'm after. On the one. :)
 

VEM

Advisor Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2018
Messages
25
Points
38
Location
Houston
I'll take you on. There are 2 distinct goals you have, to be more sociable and to find some friends who are active in the process of self-improvement. I think you have made a good start in one of your efforts by being on this website but becoming more sociable will require someone getting to know you in order to make accurate recommendations. Important factors that need to conveyed by you should include your present personality, mindset, your taste in clothes and your understanding of what you should wear to make it to first base and fit into a social setting and proceed from there to have things go your way. Also your body language, mannerisms, facial expressions, all these things are important and must be looked at. Even though I don't know you I will give you one great piece of advice before you begin to confide in someone, LEARN TO BE A GOOD LISTENER, ESTABLISH EYE CONTACT AS YOU LISTEN TO SOMEONE YOU'VE MET FOR THE FIRST TIME AND ASK GOOD QUESTIONS. IF YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE TIME DO IT IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T GIVE THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU'RE BORED.

Now back to making friends who are actively trying to "improve" themselves. Again you've made a good start by using the internet and most certainly I think that could possibly lead to you finding events in your local community where people of this type congregate.

I've lived a spoiled life and for the first time I'm doing what I like to do, working with people and helping them to make positive changes in their mental perspective. Feel free to contact me.
 
Joined
Jul 28, 2018
Messages
4
Points
1
Thanks for the advice, man. I think I know what things need to be employed to increase my sociability, I'm just hesitant to put myself out there beyond just a minimal effort kind of "hey, how ya doing" because my social muscle has atrophied over the years to the point that I don't feel like I have the mental resources to carry a conversation.

I think much of it has to do with the theme of rejection that has played out for me since grade school. *sad violin* Sometimes I wonder if there's "something wrong with me" but I know that it's something that has been acquired rather than inherent to me as a human being.

Do you have any tips on how to target the source of destructive behaviors to release and replace with helpful behaviors? I'm still in kind of a sorry state in terms of my social value but I feel like I'm on the brink of a transformation of some sort. I don't have any mentors or people that inspire me in my life, nor any money to purchase any kind of coaching program so I'm just going it alone and feeling a bit frantic at this point. Just wanna exorcise these demons out of me so I can start to build something that resembles a fulfilling life lol.

Appreciate your time man. :)
 

VEM

Advisor Member
Joined
Jul 23, 2018
Messages
25
Points
38
Location
Houston
I'm a social hermit looking to break out of his shell and find some friends who are into self betterment.
Everybody I surround myself just tells me what I wanna hear, so someone who can shine a light on where I'm fucking up would be helpful
interested in getting better with women and bettering yourself
I've gone over your first post again, trying to combine what I think its indicative of with your latest post.

“You have to be a light to yourself in a world that is utterly becoming dark.”

Jiddu Krishnamurti

God bless him there's a little drama in that but he is oh so right. You must be your own light. To me this entails taking information from here and there, historical events, evolving scientific facts, advice from a stranger. This is a good way to start amassing information that you can meditate on and use to eventually do away with destructive behaviors. I will say this though. Not saying what you want to do - befriend those trying to improve themselves- is a path you shouldn't take. It's good to be around such people because they can provide you with the inspiration and motivation you need to make changes you deem necessary yet parallel to this you should work on understanding yourself better and in doing understand others better and then deciding what behaviors to try to get what you want.

I think you have a fear of failing in the process of making yourself attractive enough in your mannerisms and appearances to
Move beyond it. Don't let it become a roadblock that you can't go around, go through, over or under.

You tell me if I'm wrong, you want to be better with women and better yourself by surrounding yourself with people that can inspire and motivate you to better yourself.

The process of socializing with a woman you meet in order to create a friendship, a friend with benefits or
convince her to become your life partner begins with respect what she's wearing and what first impressions you're getting. Always be respectful. Treat her as your equal regardless if you have correctly surmised that she may not be your mental equal or don't get a case of the ass if you think she's more intelligent than you. I personally love intelligent women. Of course good grooming and being a good listener are important factors as well.

Honesty is important. Don't tell a person that you're looking for something serious and you're really not because she's not thoroughly what you want physically. You may get past your idealized perfect woman thought structures and accept her for her and look beyond the physical. Personality is important too.

There's a lot to the process of meeting women you're attracted to sexually or you wish to spend your life with because they are good people and you like being around them.

I'm having trouble editing this post so forgive my grammatical errors, been drinking and I'm sleepy.

Your second desire. Meeting people into self development. You will definitely have a more difficult time finding them in person than on the web.

Gotta go. Be good my friend.

oh yeah almost forgot you posted "everyone I surround myself with tells me what I want to hear", we need to focus on that.

Late night snack time later!!
 
Last edited: