Just broke up with GF of 2 years - self improvement ideas?

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#1
Hi all. I'm new to this forum. I wish I could keep it short while I've joined this forum but it's going to be a long post so here it is:
As of 2 days ago I broke up with my GF of 2 years. It was her decision although partly mutual.

We simply had been arguing quite a bit and she thought we were different people. I disagree and would always no matter what have fought to make it work. Anyway I'm not here to discuss that! Yesterday I was very upset but I generally am a pretty positive person and everything I do I always have self improvement in mind. Having a gf in the first place was beneficial to my life, helped me grow, I helped her grow, we improved each other. Rather than being down about the break up I've came to a realisation today that being down isn't going to change anything.

All of my hobbies, passions, day-to-day things and interests all revolve around self improvement. Eg I care about health and fitness, eat well, do yoga, stretch, get up early to exercise, positive attitude, work hard at my job, love exploring, travelling, doing once in a lifetime trips, prefer experiences over tangible presents, go for walks and runs in my nearby countryside. I'd say I'm a little 'hippyish' although I don't really believe in social stereotypes (if you met me in person you certainly wouldn't think I'm a hippy based on appearance).

One big thing me and my gf talked about before breaking up was actually going travelling. We wanted to go somewhere that would be a life changing, once in a lifetime trip, culturally enriching, humbling, somewhere that'll enhance us (now just me), warm/sunny, different from the UK, somewhere 'outdoorsy', somewhere we (now me) can learn/travel/explore/educate/appreciate/improve etc.

I've already done a bit of travelling Thailand (4 and a half months), Cambodia (3 weeks), Malaysia (3 days), Vietnam (2-3 weeks), South Africa (month and a half), Namibia (2 weeks). And then quite a lot of Europe as I live in England but there trips were more typical/traditional summer holidays involving sunbathing etc.

Where would you recommend I travel next? Considering Nicaragua, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Hawaii. The latter 3 I'm not sure about due to price. I'm very goal-driven and would like to save up for a house to buy or buy to let so don't want to blow too much capital. So I'd like to keep budget in mind. Other places that interest me but may not be so life changing are Morocco, Krakow (Poland), Montenegro, Edinburgh (Scotland), Tallinn (Estonia), Seville (Spain), Mauritius.

By the way I know a 2 year relationship doesn't sound that long but to me it was a big commitment and I had mentally pictured myself with her forever, pictured moving in, marrying, kids etc etc. I know that may have been a little premature and naive but I just can't see myself moving from girlfriend to girlfriend. It requires too much energy and focus and I only really feel like I could put that commitment to one person.

My questions really are:
Where do you recommend I travel to forget & improve?
What else do you recommend I do (non-travelling) to improve?
 

J E Roberson

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#2
Hello dylantombides! I commend your willingness to share this painful transition. The thing about travel after a breakup is you take yourself where ever you go, you will just take your same thoughts to a fresh location.

1.To align with yourself think about the trips, imagine in mind taking the trip to each location and see which location feels good within to "you".

As far as self improvement after a break up...when we divide from a relationship some of the merging energy leaves gaps in our own energy. I would suggest trying to identify,y like you did above, what you got out of the relationship and then commit to providing those things for your self. This allows you to grow in resolve, self love and self understanding. All qualities that will attract new love when you are open to it and help you enjoy life alone.

Blessings,
 
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#3
Hello dylantombides! I commend your willingness to share this painful transition. The thing about travel after a breakup is you take yourself where ever you go, you will just take your same thoughts to a fresh location.

1.To align with yourself think about the trips, imagine in mind taking the trip to each location and see which location feels good within to "you".

As far as self improvement after a break up...when we divide from a relationship some of the merging energy leaves gaps in our own energy. I would suggest trying to identify,y like you did above, what you got out of the relationship and then commit to providing those things for your self. This allows you to grow in resolve, self love and self understanding. All qualities that will attract new love when you are open to it and help you enjoy life alone.

Blessings,
Hi J E Roberson,

Thanks for your reply.

I'm actually surprisingly positive about the break up. Despite me being really into her, if you saw me in person right now i'm now sitting at home sulking and in a state. So I feel like if I went travelling I wouldn't really bring that mindset to the new destination. Ok it is a little there in the background but that's purely because I'm a human with emotions. Ignoring the fact that I've just had a break-up I'd still love to go travelling regardless.

Thanks very much for your message!
 

J E Roberson

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#4
Yes, I also think you should take a trip. However when you say "ignoring the fact that I've just had a break-up" that can cause a bind. I understand you have a positive attitude about the breakup, sometimes that fact a subject gets attention is a bigger factor then how we feel about it.

When we transcend a situation we move into new energy where that situation is unavailable without great effort. When you are truly over this it won't get any attention from you as if you stubbed a toe last week, it just won't be important today.

Our attention is divine, just my opinion but don't gloss over this energy you now have, there are gifts within it. Now that O look back over the list Sri Lanka sounds amazing.

Blessings,
 

Elhama

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#5
Hi dylantombides,
I like your positive attitude towards dealing with your situation. You are right about thinking about traveling. I myself like traveling so much and I believe it helps a lot in creating a wonderful state of mind and heart. Have you ever considered coming to Egypt? There are many wonderful places in Egypt to visit both historical places and places filled with the beauty of the nature. I am not saying that because it is my country. In fact, I have not visited except very few places in Egypt, but I wish to have the chance someday to visit all of them.

If you choose to come to Egypt, then at least, you may know someone in it (me I mean) and if you eventually come to Egypt, I would be glad to provide help as much as I can (by Allah's "God's" will) about any information related to your stay or about suggesting places to visit.
Any way, I wish you good luck.
Kind Regards
 
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#6
Hey bro!
I just wanna let you know first that we have all been there. Its not something foreign and Im sure you are aware of this. I broke up with my gf a few months ago after 4 years. The first thing you have to ask yourself is what can you learn from this? What lesson are you being taught. I truly believe that every person we encounter is meant to teach us a lesson. These lessons are to prepare you for who you were destined to be with. But even if you dont believe in an ultimate intelligence. The wisest people in the world always ask what did I learn? and how can I improve what I learned?

Israel is a great place dude. Something about it, so much history there. I fell in love with the place
 
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#7
@dylantombides It's always a difficult situation when parting ways. Allow yourself the time to grieve and experience the emotions. The fastest way through any emotion is right into it. If you give yourself 5 minutes to process any emotion before you reset, it gives that part of your mind the space to process the emotions instead of bottling them up for another relationship. As @PurposeIsLife mentioned, looking for the blessing and growth in the situation is also extremely helpful, but we do have to process and clear the emotions before we can start seeing the good in the situation. As far as travel goes, sometimes a physical change can do wonders for resetting the mental state. Just be cautious that you're not using travel as a method of bypassing the pain. Yes, it sucks, but the good news is that you're also processing every other pain that's associated with the relationship and every other relationship you've ever had. That's my take on it. Hope it helps.
 
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#8
Hi @dylantombides I vote for Hawaii, but that's just me :)

Have you ever tried taking a Chinese Zodiac test? I once took a personality test based on Chinese Zodiacs and found out that I am overflowing with Fire element, so my Lucky Element is the opposite of that, Water, to balance my Fire.

I don't completely subscribe to the idea, but I do like to visit beaches and places where there's water when I need to calm down or think long about a question. I do feel much calmer and refreshed when I go to beaches or islands - maybe it's just the mood or maybe my Lucky Element is Water.

Therefore, I like water so I vote for Hawaii. Cheers!
 
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#9
Hi all. I'm new to this forum. I wish I could keep it short while I've joined this forum but it's going to be a long post so here it is:
As of 2 days ago I broke up with my GF of 2 years. It was her decision although partly mutual.

We simply had been arguing quite a bit and she thought we were different people. I disagree and would always no matter what have fought to make it work. Anyway I'm not here to discuss that! Yesterday I was very upset but I generally am a pretty positive person and everything I do I always have self improvement in mind. Having a gf in the first place was beneficial to my life, helped me grow, I helped her grow, we improved each other. Rather than being down about the break up I've came to a realisation today that being down isn't going to change anything.

All of my hobbies, passions, day-to-day things and interests all revolve around self improvement. Eg I care about health and fitness, eat well, do yoga, stretch, get up early to exercise, positive attitude, work hard at my job, love exploring, travelling, doing once in a lifetime trips, prefer experiences over tangible presents, go for walks and runs in my nearby countryside. I'd say I'm a little 'hippyish' although I don't really believe in social stereotypes (if you met me in person you certainly wouldn't think I'm a hippy based on appearance).

One big thing me and my gf talked about before breaking up was actually going travelling. We wanted to go somewhere that would be a life changing, once in a lifetime trip, culturally enriching, humbling, somewhere that'll enhance us (now just me), warm/sunny, different from the UK, somewhere 'outdoorsy', somewhere we (now me) can learn/travel/explore/educate/appreciate/improve etc.

I've already done a bit of travelling Thailand (4 and a half months), Cambodia (3 weeks), Malaysia (3 days), Vietnam (2-3 weeks), South Africa (month and a half), Namibia (2 weeks). And then quite a lot of Europe as I live in England but there trips were more typical/traditional summer holidays involving sunbathing etc.

Where would you recommend I travel next? Considering Nicaragua, Sri Lanka, New Zealand, Hong Kong, Hawaii. The latter 3 I'm not sure about due to price. I'm very goal-driven and would like to save up for a house to buy or buy to let so don't want to blow too much capital. So I'd like to keep budget in mind. Other places that interest me but may not be so life changing are Morocco, Krakow (Poland), Montenegro, Edinburgh (Scotland), Tallinn (Estonia), Seville (Spain), Mauritius.

By the way I know a 2 year relationship doesn't sound that long but to me it was a big commitment and I had mentally pictured myself with her forever, pictured moving in, marrying, kids etc etc. I know that may have been a little premature and naive but I just can't see myself moving from girlfriend to girlfriend. It requires too much energy and focus and I only really feel like I could put that commitment to one person.

My questions really are:
Where do you recommend I travel to forget & improve?
What else do you recommend I do (non-travelling) to improve?
Hey, I like your positive attitude. I understand, that 2 years commitment is hard to move on. But my suggestion is, that you should apply something called opposite thinking. Try always, when you think about what´s wrong now in your life (your break up,...), immediately if you became aware of it, try it replace with some positive thought. It will be hard from the beginning, but eventually it helps you move on.
I hope this helps.
 
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#10
Hi Dylan,

I believe that you can attract a GF that will be right for you, and you don't need to travel for that!

This is a suggestion that can attract to you the right person when time is ready:

"Create in your mind the kind of love you are looking for (create a perfect picture, looks, eyes, posture, character, attitude, life view,… and so on)
Keep that perfect picture a live in your mind each night before you fall in sleep, and then during the day let it go, don’t expect anything, let happens what happens >>> soon or later you attract the right person."

If you like you can get this free report:
FREE Report Reveals: "7 SECRETS TO CREATING YOUR BEST LIFE POSSIBLE"