Is Virginity a Total DealBreaker for Guys?

PennySafe

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Dec 21, 2014
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I am an older (30s) virgin until marriage, and not ashamed. However I do have a fear that I won't find anyone who will stick around knowing that there is no physical activity before marriage.

My thought is that if you are serious about marriage, then why can't you wait it out when you can have it all (a great wife, friend--plus the physical) afterwards?
 

Aree Wongwanlee

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Dec 13, 2014
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No, not for me. A hymen, intact or torn, does not define a woman. What matters more to me is her mind. If she has an interesting mind, she can be a virgin or not a virgin and I will not be swayed either way.
 

Developonlinesuccess

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Obviously not a guy - but maybe there is a compromise - if it's part of a caring loving relationship and you are both adult and free, what harm is done. Its different being promiscuous especially when you are young and could easily get hurt. Just a thought
 

BuildALife

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Dec 16, 2014
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I personally believe that sexual compatibility is important in a marriage and waiting to find out if you are compatible or not until the after the fact can cause issues.
Having said that for some people sex and sexual compatibility are not as important in their selection of a mate.
Reality is it is entirely up to you and the person you meet. How you feel about sex might change radically if you meet the right person who demonstrates a genuine care and respect for you, or that person might be more than willing to wait.

You will definitely reduce the number of potential guys but maybe your not interested in those guys anyway.
 
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Perspective. It's about your perspective. You have values... and the idea of marriage first and then having sex... well it is something you value. Now, in society, there are many factors in play. The media hype intensifies the idea of having sex. Teens have it, young adults have it and older ones. But, why is it there? For it sells for it makes money off of it. So, imagine everyone watching it... they get the idea that sex before marriage is better than waiting. But in the long run, it is how you value it. And, the person who you meet, how they value it... or even how they can value it. In the past, when we were hunter gatherers and primitive farmers, the idea was relative since many children died. Many adults died. Having as many children as you could meant survival of our species. It was relative to the societies norms at the time. Basically the idea of sex before marriage being something wrong was placed upon us by the Christian Church. They said no... So, in a conscious society that could not read or write when they saw the Church as the source of Christian understanding and even the idea of hell or heaven... YOU DID NOT DO THAT. Now, we can read. It gives us power to be able to make are lives are own and not governed by an authority. Yet, you look at Christianity in a society that can study it now, you see that the idea of waiting stems from a relationship between Christ and the Church and being a Faithful people to it. The idea of waiting shows commitment to the point where love is unconditional. So, even after we have learned to read and make up are own minds the idea still holds to this day. Objectively it is all about values and perspective. Having a child before marriage still can lead to family, and a productive society. But it has a dark side. IF a child is born at an early age, (governed by OUR societies norms that you are not an adult until 18, which are biology is still in primitive hunter gatherer areas, meaning have kids as soon as possible, thus the early puberty which was for the survival of are species,) now, it means havoc... a child means incomplete schooling, a break up between the father and mother, and destruction of a persons ability to be a contributing member of society, now it's bad. So, we wait. When we consent as adult, we make up are own minds. Yet, we can also hold on to the Christian idea of unconditional love. Yet, it can get more complicated. IN a society that is class driven, even in a democratic society, these things hold. For instance, a girl is popular in high school. She learns she is attractive by the standards by those standards. Guys do have a tendency, because of macho-ism and the inevitable distancing themselves from girls and being around them to see and be affected by other males... like locker room talk. In these places, young men learn of an idea that it is there right to have sex with women and that women want to have sex. So, sex becomes a part of their agenda when dating girls. Now the popular girls find that the guys they can date do this, and hope by sex the guy might have feelings for them or fall in love. The class system is more rigid than we think. Especially for girls... to become mediocre. That is not possible. (IF you think I am lying think again... I worked in psyche as a NA at 19 and all the girls wanted to talk to me because... well... I was 19. In such a place, they will tell you what's on their mind and it was an I opener!) It's true. They actually have sex to find love... and they know it's a long shot... thus the idea of a "slut" takes on new meaning... We are all driven by something and society tells us what we should or shouldn't do. However, an idea, especially of waiting is good. I did that. I waited till marriage at 26, and it was special. You can't get that if you don't value it. I am not saying that women who have already had sex ... or even men can't achieve that. But, finding someone and waiting is special. It can be very beautiful! IF you are afraid that you will NOT find love if you wait, there are women out there who do believe in the same thing. And, most importantly, finding someone who understands why you do what you are doing, and what it means to you. I can tell you that giving a woman a piece of yourself and how you feel is never undervalued by her... for it is rare for guys to do that. A great consciencious woman should value something that is so deep, never said and personal. Most guys have a hard time opening up.