In Love With A Wrong Person

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FuzzyMike

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This is actually a story of my older sister. When she was just 18, she got herself into a relationship with a boy of the same age. Unfortunately, it was a very rough relationship because the guy was involved with illicit drugs -- both as a user and as a dealer. Naturally, the whole family objected to their love affair. After about 2 years, they separated for good due to misunderstanding and irreconcilable differences. This is a case of a strong love for the wrong person.
 

Milton

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I do think that love can actually change a person for the better, because love provides power and motivation to change.
 

speedy

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This is actually a story of my older sister. When she was just 18, she got herself into a relationship with a boy of the same age. Unfortunately, it was a very rough relationship because the guy was involved with illicit drugs -- both as a user and as a dealer. Naturally, the whole family objected to their love affair. After about 2 years, they separated for good due to misunderstanding and irreconcilable differences. This is a case of a strong love for the wrong person.
I am sorry for your sister. I believed that your sister truly love than despite of the objection from your family. Love is like that, if you love somebody even flood cannot stop it. But sad that they got separated after of what they been through. I hope your sister find someone for a lifetime. God bless.
 

iebo

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Lots of people stay with someone who is wrong for them for various reasons such as having no self-worth or thinking they cannot do any better. I would rather be single than with someone who didn't treat me right.
 

MoreSuccess

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It really amazes me how some people can't let go of a relationship that's doomed or ugly. One guy wrote to me about how upset he is that his girlfriend wants to leave him, while at the same time he had to take legal action against her and she's committed crimes. I'd had teenagers write as though their life is over because the girl of their dreams is not interested. I've had a hard time letting go of relationships myself but at some point I understand logically I have to move on, even if not emotionally.
 

Milton

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Yeah it's true that sometimes some relationships simply don't work out, but I think it's extremely hard to let go of something which you had initially thought would be the perfect relationship. Furthermore, you are emotionally bound to your partner during the time you've spent with them, and to get you to be completely isolated, without that person to depend on now, requires a lot of courage and a lot of resilience to get through.
 

speedy

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It really amazes me how some people can't let go of a relationship that's doomed or ugly. One guy wrote to me about how upset he is that his girlfriend wants to leave him, while at the same time he had to take legal action against her and she's committed crimes. I'd had teenagers write as though their life is over because the girl of their dreams is not interested. I've had a hard time letting go of relationships myself but at some point I understand logically I have to move on, even if not emotionally.
I wondered too about such thing. I knew somebody who was beaten by her husband constantly but still she sticked and loved him until she died. She don't want us to report the husband to the police because she don't want him to be in jail. Personally, I saw how the husband beat her and it traumatized me. That's the real vowed I ever knew " Till death do us part".
 

Milton

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I wondered too about such thing. I knew somebody who was beaten by her husband constantly but still she sticked and loved him until she died. She don't want us to report the husband to the police because she don't want him to be in jail. Personally, I saw how the husband beat her and it traumatized me. That's the real vowed I ever knew " Till death do us part".
I think this happened because some people are blinded by love. They think that by showering their partners with love and care, they could change their violent behaviour - but this is not always the case. A leopard never changes its spots and similarly, human nature and innate characteristics cannot be changed by environmental factors, at least not very easily.
 

mslianne

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This is such a sad story. :( I am so sorry for your sister. It is true that sometimes, people tend to be blinded by love. Yes, they know that the person is involved in something disagreeable or maybe sometimes, illegal, but they are in the relationship still as they believe that their love for the person will cause the person to change. Being a martyr is not advisable nowadays as some relationships are considered to be destructible! We should always remember to love ourselves first before loving others. :)
 

bright_light

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Maybe your sister believed in what I also believed in before - that by accepting all the faults and wrong-doings of the person you love is the best way to show how much you love him or her.

I realized this was a very wrong perception of what real love is. There is genuine love when there is mutual respect. But I think that element was not present when your sister was still in a relationship with that guy. I'm very glad that she already broke up with the guy.
 

Milton

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This is such a sad story. :( I am so sorry for your sister. It is true that sometimes, people tend to be blinded by love. Yes, they know that the person is involved in something disagreeable or maybe sometimes, illegal, but they are in the relationship still as they believe that their love for the person will cause the person to change. Being a martyr is not advisable nowadays as some relationships are considered to be destructible! We should always remember to love ourselves first before loving others. :)
That's not always true. Self-less love is still a value that we should applaud. If we are in a relationship and we put ourselves before our partner, I find that it is difficult to maintain this relationship and there is always selfish interest involved. This being said however, we should remember that in a relationship mutual respect is of extreme importance, and if it is evident that your partner is no longer respecting you and is abusing you - be it physically, verbally or mentally, then I do think it is time to move on.
 

mslianne

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That's not always true. Self-less love is still a value that we should applaud. If we are in a relationship and we put ourselves before our partner, I find that it is difficult to maintain this relationship and there is always selfish interest involved. This being said however, we should remember that in a relationship mutual respect is of extreme importance, and if it is evident that your partner is no longer respecting you and is abusing you - be it physically, verbally or mentally, then I do think it is time to move on.
What I mean by loving ourselves first before loving others is this: we should be able to know that we are content with the way we are; we should be sure that there is no gap within ourselves, no lack of self-esteem, no destructive anxiety. We should be satisfied with ourselves first - we should be complete FIRST before loving someone else. If we let someone else fill our gaps instead of ourselves - if we let another person fill up our lack of self-esteem or our anxiety, we depend too much on the person.

This is the theory regarding Battered Wife Syndrome (BWS). The woman usually has low-self esteem and depends on her husband for everything. When that husband hits her, she stays with him because she is already dependent on him. This is why we should learn to love ourselves first before giving ourselves to others.
 

angela

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Somehow, I can relate to this story. One part of life, I was very much in loved with a man who is not right for me. This man is a womanizer. He fooled me once then I forgave him because I love him very much, but did it again to me. I took years before I realized to stop this craziness. But with this experience, I learned many things. relationship is not all about feelings, it is mutual understanding. Relationship should be built by love, respect and trust. I'm thankful to God that He help me to surpass the heartaches this man brought me.
 

beingwell

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This is actually a story of my older sister. When she was just 18, she got herself into a relationship with a boy of the same age. Unfortunately, it was a very rough relationship because the guy was involved with illicit drugs -- both as a user and as a dealer. Naturally, the whole family objected to their love affair. After about 2 years, they separated for good due to misunderstanding and irreconcilable differences. This is a case of a strong love for the wrong person.
I believe that true love should make each other want to become better. So, there may be something wrong with this pair, wouldn't you think so? It's just my opinion. But see, if they really love each other, there is still time to change and return to the love that they may have had.
 

wreck1807

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I do think that love can actually change a person for the better, because love provides power and motivation to change.
Yes, i do believe so. I use to have a girl, bot using ang dealing drugs. But, when we started dating and the relationship got deeper, she promised not to do it again. I was very happy because she never broked her promise, but sad to say when we broke up, she went back to her bad habit.
 

XoxChrissyxoX

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I'm very sorry to hear about all of the sad experiences here.

...no self-worth or thinking they cannot do any better.
I agree with this. I think that many people stay with people who are wrong for them for these reasons. Some people also stay with them because they feel they can change the person for the better, and that love can change the person. I think that it can, but only if the other person loves you just as much, otherwise they will not care to change for the better for you. I've experienced being in a bad relationship, and I'm still with this person but he's made an effort to change, and I'm hoping that the change will stick. The fear is always there that things will go back to the way they were. If it does then I cannot tolerate it anymore because I can't see myself spending my life tolerating certain things.

I'm glad that the main poster's sister left her relationship though. It's better to leave a self destructive person than to destroy yourself with them or because of them.

I also agree mslianne. I believe that you need to love yourself before your can truly love another person, for all of the reasons she stated. I also believe that if you love yourself you will not tolerate any disrespect or dishonesty from another person, and will allow yourself to find someone worthy of you who can and will truly love you.
 

mslianne

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I'm very sorry to hear about all of the sad experiences here.

I also agree mslianne. I believe that you need to love yourself before your can truly love another person, for all of the reasons she stated. I also believe that if you love yourself you will not tolerate any disrespect or dishonesty from another person, and will allow yourself to find someone worthy of you who can and will truly love you.
Hello there! :)
Thanks for agreeing with me, dear. It's good that you were able to see my point. That is very true. If we love ourselves enough, that means we respect ourselves, and respecting ourselves means relieving ourselves from dishonest relationships.
People are so vulnerable when they're in love, so it's really hard for them to see and evaluate their relationship objectively.
 

radascars

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This is actually a story of my older sister. When she was just 18, she got herself into a relationship with a boy of the same age. Unfortunately, it was a very rough relationship because the guy was involved with illicit drugs -- both as a user and as a dealer. Naturally, the whole family objected to their love affair. After about 2 years, they separated for good due to misunderstanding and irreconcilable differences. This is a case of a strong love for the wrong person.
Its really hard when you really love that person and that person do some illegal acts. You can't fight the love, love is very profound and infinite but in the end you suffer from loneliness as the relationship don't last long.

I hope your sister is doing okay right now, it is very hard for her to love that kind of person knowing that your family is against their relationship.
 

Cecil Estrera

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In love, I believe there is no such thing as "wrong person". Whatever he/she maybe, if you are really in love with that person then you are more than willing to accept everything in that person's personality. Then if he/she has negative traits or vices then you can help him/ her to change for the better.
 

zararina

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It is better for your sister that they got separated. It was pretty obvious that guy does not love your sister that much. He should have done something to change himself for the better if he really love your sister. Good thing your sister is not influenced by the wrong doings of that guy.