Ignoring the masses

littlefonzy

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Feb 10, 2016
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2
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Hi,

I have a personal development concern that I am hoping a forum member may be able to assist with.

I have recently joined a network marketing company and as such have been consuming plenty of personal development material. Having done this, I have thrown myself head-long into action. Lots of action!

The main concern I have is that going down this route may severely marginalise me to the rest of society. Now, I have ensured that my partner and family are given the time they deserve, but as far as I’m concerned 95% of all other members of society can go do-one.com.

The problem with this is that it has started making me feel very anxious about my journey. Why? Because I’m a sensitive guy. I’ll give you an example.

I visited some couple-friends with my partner at the weekend. My partner and her girlfriend buddied up, and I was left with the fella. For the weekend. Alone. All he wanted to talk about was football, cocktails, television, films, video games; normal, standard, 95% of society stuff. He left me with homework to watch certain TV programmes on Netflix. I said I’d check them out. Why? Because I’m a nice guy too!

I was left feeling lost for words the entire weekend. I suddenly discovered that I now have nothing in common with most people. What excites them, bores me. What interests them, makes me feel a little sick.

I don’t want to feel like this. Especially if it has the residual effect of making my partner question whether I’m the guy for her after being subjected to my muted performance in front of friends at the weekend.

I guess my question is, how, for someone who has a very black and white outlook on things and is both sensitive and lovely, can I survive in this world of serious personal development? I’m either in something properly, or out of it. That’s not through a lack of patience, I understand things take time. It’s more knowing what I want and putting my all into it. It just so happens what I’m putting my all into doesn’t seem to interest anybody else. Perhaps that’s through a lack of my ability to explain what I’m doing, but partly I think it’s because most people don’t want to be made to feel guilty about their lack of action. I’m happy to leave them to their media and sport buffet.

If you’re still reading I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Any help, advice or support you can give me about my concern would be greatly appreciated.

Take care and all the best.
 

MoreSuccess

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Hello and welcome. My thought is that personal development is in part about what you want to develop, who you want to be, and then being ok with that. If you want to be sociable and bond with more people, sometimes you have to ask them questions and get into topics you have no interest in and are bored with. You just endure it and try to find some interesting things. It's either that or you just do what you can to avoid such situations or shorten them. It's ultimately your choice. I'm sort of like you, and I'll go both ways depending on the situation.

I'm like you in regards to doing it properly or out of it. I often tell people I don't play Golf because if I did, I'd have to go all out and get good clubs, practice, take lessons, etc., and I just don't have time for that not to mention what it woud cost. I don't want to just go out play Golf and suck. So I don't get invited to Golfing stuff but I've accepted that. Same with Football, I usually have more fun things to do with my time and I don't try to keep up on all the players and stuff, although I'll sometimes watch a game just to enjoy the game itself.

I agree most people don't want to be made to feel guilty, and few are willing to change their lifestyle. I did network marketing for many years too, and it's also what first got me into personal development. It's not an easy thing to be successful, I gave it up once I had a child as I just couldn't devote the time it takes to do it properly. Again it was the do it right or don't do it at all thing.

You'll survive, the measure of what survival means is all up to you ultimately. I think the important thing is whether you're excited about what you're doing, learning, and enjoying yourself to a reasonable extent in the process. And hopefully finding people who are more like you, they exist of course but finding them is the hard part.
 

Cynthia

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Do what pleases you and don't be afraid to speak up about what bores you in a polite way. If others don't accept you because of your preferences, move on without changing yourself for others just to fit in.
Good points here! I'd add that I've found through experience that asking people questions is likely to turn up something you ARE interested in! So I'd encourage you to focus on getting practice asking better questions in such situations. Then when you turn up something of interest, ask more questions in that area... and take note of the kinds of questions that lead you to more interesting conversations.
 

littlefonzy

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2016
Messages
2
Points
5
Hi all

Thank you for your thoughtful responses.

I think I’ll focus on asking questions and try to find areas of life that me and potential friends and acquaintances are aligned on.

I feel msuccess has something when he talks about enduring and shortening situations too though. There are just some situations you find yourself in where a person’s interests are so different to your own that it’s impossible to gel and these can occur repeatedly due to commitments to family and friends of friends or partners.

I will report back about my experiences in the future.
 

Cynthia

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I feel msuccess has something when he talks about enduring and shortening situations too though. There are just some situations you find yourself in where a person’s interests are so different to your own that it’s impossible to gel and these can occur repeatedly due to commitments to family and friends of friends or partners.
Indeed! You're not going to gel with everyone.
 

garashta

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Apr 14, 2016
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I relate to your situation.
However, the solution is quite simple: pretend to be interested in those things people love, be a gentleman.
Actually, a great deal of personal development is about getting along with others. Read, ASAP, "How to wind friends and influence people".
Also, there is a great saying I always keep in my mind: "everyone I meet is better than me in something, so I focus on it to learn". That is not the precise words, nor do I remember who said that, but that is the idea: Try to find something the other person has that is better than you, focus on finding it, and even if you don't find, assume he/she has it. Everyone can be a teacher.
 

Hubert Koh

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Only your own outlook matters! Not everyone will agree this stuff works.
 

J E Roberson

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Hello littlefonzy, you said a lot of things I resinate with having had a similar path in my past. I want to mention without a doubt if you are in the MLM industry/ direct sales you are on a path to separate from the masses, Net marketing combined with personal development work which is a must to succeed in network marketing is a double dose of "I 'm different".

Being hired and trained by a 250k earner and training a 100k regional vice president back in the mid 2000's I want to make a point about your question and statements .

To succeed in your new endeavors your new full time job is the love of people. The marginalize process you must go through to succeed isn't separation from the masses. Its moving to the other side of the cash flow quadrant and taking on different life duties. The 95% don't disappear from your life, they become the people you lead and do what I like to call RTD. Recruit, Train and develop.

Your success is in duplication, taking your system what ever it is and finding people to multiply your efforts through. You are gonna have to shake the "this is what I like" and start having a passion for people. Once you learn people what people liked is highlighted through your curiosity for them.

If you can't relate to one guy doing what a majority of guys in America do how can you attract and lead masses of guys. This doesn't mean you stop doing what you love, just you vibrate at a rate that has more influence. Heard the saying light yourself on fire and the world will come to watch you burn? This means your passion for what you like people will like. I only know your words and not you but from what you write you are not in alignment with your path and are blaming the world. I know this stage it is necessary in the Network marketing path. Get out of it fast. I could talk network marketing all day so I'll stop here. All in all you have to start being different, the guy that has the weekend you had doesn't build and sponsor a huge team my friend. Hope this is helpful and congratulations for stepping out of the crowd. The fact you have ensures you success but you have to merge with it.
 

Hattrick

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I know exactly how you feel littlefonzy. I am working on some social anxiety that has troubled me throughout my life so far. I found Dr. Aziz on YouTube and through his book and his ideas are insightful. https://www.youtube.com/user/GetMoreConfidence/feed

For instance, "It is incredibly freeing and relaxing to acknowledge that you will disappoint people in your life and they will disappoint you. Disappointment doesn't mean the end of a relationship. It is just another emotion that is part if being a human in connection with others."

Asking "'What do I want in this situation?' This exploration is not selfish. It is an exploration into taking care of yourself. Each time you discover what you want and speak it, you are honoring who you are in this moment. Every time you do ask for a want, even if it is declined, you are strengthening something inside of yourself. You can get closer to the core of who you are and gain more trust in yourself."

I would say that asking yourself empowering questions whilst in conversations can be helpful:

What do I like about this person?
How can I connect even more with this person?
What does this person really need right now?
How can I make this person feel at ease?
What is my desired outcome here?
What sorts of topics would I like to discuss?
 

Hubert Koh

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First, you have to believe you are an attractive person, or can change into one.

Second, take action and socialize. Dont self-pity, it will make things worse and you will remain status quo.