I used someone else to forget my ex girlfriend.

F

feelinghurt

Guest
Five months ago, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal over a Ukraine ski trip. I planned to make that trip a joyous and memorable one, yet it turned out to be very devastating. When she said she’s not ready, it felt like I got stabbed by hundreds of knives. We went to Ukraine together but I got back home alone. She was no longer at the hotel we were staying when I got there after the incident. She walked away and probably went home afterwards. Since that day, I never heard anything from her anymore; even until now. Because I was so broken, I went to nightclubs and get drunk almost every night. Then, I met a Thai woman and we hit it off. I started dating her though I was pretty certain I haven’t moved on from my ex girlfriend just yet. I felt bad about it because this Thai lady is very loving and caring. She made me feel special and I thank her for that. I began to feel something for her. I just don’t know if this is pity or whatever. Maybe I will get to learn to love her eventually, but am I a douchebag now for using her?
 

Mick IOM

Coaching Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2018
Messages
63
Points
58
Hey @feelinghurt,

Sorry to hear that your marriage proposal turned out to be such a bad experience.

I'm not technically a relationship expert by any means, but let me add my 2 cents here anyway. I believe you're an honest and kind bloke - which are rare qualities in this world. I also sense that you've mixed feelings towards the Thai woman because she gives you the love and attention you deserve, but you haven't been completely honest where her (correct me if I'm wrong, but I sense that you haven't told her the situation yet).

Therefore, you should tell the Thai lady your situation and explain to her that you're still thinking about your ex from time to time. Most people do accept this as getting over previous relationships takes time and there's I think there's a big chance that the Thai lady will understand this.

From that point, you've been congruent with your personality (again, if I sensed correctly that you're an honest guy) and you won't feel bad anymore in the situation that you're in.

Getting over your ex-girlfriend is a process and it sucked that it happened to you. However, I believe that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and therefore you'll gain strength out of this period of your life later on.

As for the Thai lady, I think that if you tell her with all honesty, she will understand your situation. I feel like women, in general, can emphasize on a completely different level than we do as men.

If you're scared that she will leave you, don't be. The worst thing that can happen is that she leaves you, but guess what? If you don't tell her now - she will find out sooner or later. And she might find this out when you're just about to completely fall in love with her.

What if she leaves you then because you weren't honest with her at the beginning? And we all know, trust is the most important aspects of relationships.

That's all my 2 cents. Again, I'm not a relationship expert but I do speak from the heart & personal experiences.

All the best to you,
Mick
 

denydritz

Coaching Member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Messages
106
Points
83
Hi @feelinghurt sorry to hear your marriage proposal didn't work. I've been in the same situation where I asked a girl to marry me and she said no, but in my case I saw it coming lol.

I want to say that if she says no, then she isn't the partner you're looking for. Understanding that love can only happen when it happens both ways made me survive through a difficult breakup. If the feeling is only felt by you, then she isn't special or worthy of making you feel sad that she goes a different way. When she feels the same way you do, that's when she, and the relationship, is special.

About the Thai lady, Mick's advice is good, although if it were me, I would not be in a relationship with her. I respect other people's time and energy, and if I'm not in a healthy place to be in a relationship, then I won't 'waste' anyone's time, even though they may want to do it willingly. I find that to be in a healthy relationship, we have to be comfortable being alone and be comfortable loving ourselves first.

Cheers!