I need help with starting self-improvement

taetae

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Joined
Jul 30, 2020
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So, let me start by explaining myself. Im 15, a guy, and I live in a very controlling home. My parents are very closed-minded, and stick to the old macho man mindset, which makes self-improvement harder. So, let me explain what I want to improve on, and what keeps me from my goals.

Improvements I want to Make

- Posture. I think Im starting to get Kyphosis, which is when the spine curves unnaturally, leaving a sort of bump on the base of the back of the neck, and a curved back. What's keeping me from improving this is my excess fat(which I'll talk about in the next paragraph) which I'd say, shows more when I stand straight.

- Fat Loss. This one is particulary hard for me. I'm not too fat, but Im not skinny or fit either. I DO have love handles, belly fat, and what bothers me the most, puffy nipples(at least thats what I think theyre called). Point is, I want to change this fat for some muscle. My ideal body would be abs, not too much muscle around the body, but enough. What's keeping me from this is my father. He doesnt help at all. He keeps on telling my mom(who does the grocery shopping) to buy juice, soda, pie, and all the foods I want to avoid. I can't tell to help me in eating healthier by buying less fat foods, but he adheres to the macho man stereotype, like I said. He thinks diets are for women only, and that men have to do excersice to lose weight. Thats the next problem. My father is a welder, he makes fences. He works in the backyard in his shack, and he's whats keeping me from doing exercise, too. When I go outside, he stares at me. While he's working he stares at me 24/7. He knows that I get uncomfortable when people stare at me, but he does it on purpose half of the time. Another problem is he's too cheap to hire someone else, so when he needs help, say, flipping over a fence or loading it to the truck, or literally anything else, he calls me. And its every five minutes. And while Im helping him, he insults me. He 'jokes' about me being fat and having bad posture, and that discourages me from doing anything. But when I do exercise he teases me. I tried telling him to stop, but he doesnt. In conclusion, I get NO help from my dad because he's narcassistic and emotionally distant.(sorry about the rant)

- Acne. Pretty self explanatory. I first want to find out my skin type. I have no acne on my cheeks, but a ton on my forehead, T-zone, nose, and chin. Usually I just have blemishes or black heads, but I almost always have at least 1-2 white heads. What's keeping me from this, is again, my parents and their beliefs. 'Men dont use products'. Apart from the skin exfoliator, I cant use anything else like sheet masks, toner, among other things.

- Hair. This one is hard. I suffer from extreme dandruff, nothing seems to tame it. Ive used everything from vinegar, heads and shoulders, to prescribed shampoo by the doctor. Nothing helped it. Also, I have really bad hair. I have a dry scalp but oily hair. My hair is between curly and wavy, and it is almost unmanageable. And I think Im balding. My hairline is terrible, when I style my hair up, theirs these little thin hairs on the hairline that are always pointing down. I also have a widows peak, I have small scabs on the scalp near my hairline, and when I shampoo or use conditioner, I lose about 15-20 hairs every time.

- Confidence. Everything mentioned above keeps me from this.

Another thing is, Coronavirus doesnt make it easy. I live in miami, one of the hotbeds of the virus, and Im not allowed to go outside at all. I was planning to get a job and earn some money to buy products, gym membership, etc. but Corona ruined it. Can anyone help me? I dont know where to start, or how to?
 

rQureshiPS

Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2020
Messages
9
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8
Hi there! Sounds like you're going through a lot and trust me, I can relate to quite a bit of it.

Here's some advice I can offer:

Posture: if you use a computer a lot, get a chair with adjustable height so that you are eye-level with your screen. When you sleep, (this is uncomfortable for the first couple of nights) roll up a small towel and place it in the gap in your mid-spine - this may help. Walking and exercise also helps with posture.

Fat loss: just because you have unhealthy snacks in the house, you don't necessarily have to be eating them! If you do, limit how much you're having. Fitness apps like MyFitnessPal will help you count calories and set a goal, which could help. In terms of exercise, I feel self-conscious in front of my family too. I have a tiny room but it's enough for me to roll out a yoga mat. Try HITT workout videos on YouTube to get you going and start off with an easy target, e.g. training twice a week. Increase it from there onward. Make your own weights if you dont have any by filling up old milk cartons with sand or water and try using them in your room for weight training too.

Acne: I have suffered with horrid acne for the last 3 years. I'm currently on accutane but there were a few things that helped: the first was a good skincare routine. See if you can order stuff online and then use it without your dad knowing. You don't need a super long routine, a good cleanser and moisturiser would do fine. I recommend CeraVe cleanser and Cetaphil moisturiser.

Hair loss: I've had this too. The best thing I can suggest is aloe vera. Any simple aloe vera gel should calm down itchiness from dandruff and it helps with hair growth. Also give coconut oil a shot if you haven't already.

Hope this helps :)
 
Joined
Aug 6, 2020
Messages
1
Points
8
Here I can help you with this some recommended books. Start reading books for self improvement daily.
The 7 Habits are good, and I love the concept, probably best self-help to start, but the book itself, and the new "marketing" of it (changing "people" to "teenagers" and "women's" and "kids") is kind of dirty move. Also for the first 50 pages, I've been wondering where the habits are hidden... turns out the Author is taking it slow :)
The Last Lecture was both entertaining and insightful. It goes well with watching the actual lecture either before or after reading.
In terms of simplicity and ability to put into practice, nothing beats How to Win Friends and Influence People. The principles are timeless and I believe anyone could benefit from reading it.
Here I found some good books for Self Improvement explained on this post Best Self Improvement Books: 30 Books You Must Read | MotivationTodday
You can do the same searching on google and find some suggested posts about good books and see what other say about that book.
Also, I don’t know if it can technically be considered a self help book, but Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck dramatically improved my outlook on success and achievement and how to attain each of those.
 

TimR

New Member
Joined
Aug 22, 2020
Messages
1
Points
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This site may help as well. Mproveus.com. it's completely focused on self development.
 

Emma123

New Member
Joined
Aug 26, 2020
Messages
2
Points
1
So, let me start by explaining myself. Im 15, a guy, and I live in a very controlling home. My parents are very closed-minded, and stick to the old macho man mindset, which makes self-improvement harder. So, let me explain what I want to improve on, and what keeps me from my goals.

Improvements I want to Make

- Posture. I think Im starting to get Kyphosis, which is when the spine curves unnaturally, leaving a sort of bump on the base of the back of the neck, and a curved back. What's keeping me from improving this is my excess fat(which I'll talk about in the next paragraph) which I'd say, shows more when I stand straight.

- Fat Loss. This one is particulary hard for me. I'm not too fat, but Im not skinny or fit either. I DO have love handles, belly fat, and what bothers me the most, puffy nipples(at least thats what I think theyre called). Point is, I want to change this fat for some muscle. My ideal body would be abs, not too much muscle around the body, but enough. What's keeping me from this is my father. He doesnt help at all. He keeps on telling my mom(who does the grocery shopping) to buy juice, soda, pie, and all the foods I want to avoid. I can't tell to help me in eating healthier by buying less fat foods, but he adheres to the macho man stereotype, like I said. He thinks diets are for women only, and that men have to do excersice to lose weight. Thats the next problem. My father is a welder, he makes fences. He works in the backyard in his shack, and he's whats keeping me from doing exercise, too. When I go outside, he stares at me. While he's working he stares at me 24/7. He knows that I get uncomfortable when people stare at me, but he does it on purpose half of the time. Another problem is he's too cheap to hire someone else, so when he needs help, say, flipping over a fence or loading it to the truck, or literally anything else, he calls me. And its every five minutes. And while Im helping him, he insults me. He 'jokes' about me being fat and having bad posture, and that discourages me from doing anything. But when I do exercise he teases me. I tried telling him to stop, but he doesnt. In conclusion, I get NO help from my dad because he's narcassistic and emotionally distant.(sorry about the rant)

- Acne. Pretty self explanatory. I first want to find out my skin type. I have no acne on my cheeks, but a ton on my forehead, T-zone, nose, and chin. Usually I just have blemishes or black heads, but I almost always have at least 1-2 white heads. What's keeping me from this, is again, my parents and their beliefs. 'Men dont use products'. Apart from the skin exfoliator, I cant use anything else like sheet masks, toner, among other things.

- Hair. This one is hard. I suffer from extreme dandruff, nothing seems to tame it. Ive used everything from vinegar, heads and shoulders, to prescribed shampoo by the doctor. Nothing helped it. Also, I have really bad hair. I have a dry scalp but oily hair. My hair is between curly and wavy, and it is almost unmanageable. And I think Im balding. My hairline is terrible, when I style my hair up, theirs these little thin hairs on the hairline that are always pointing down. I also have a widows peak, I have small scabs on the scalp near my hairline, and when I shampoo or use conditioner, I lose about 15-20 hairs every time.

- Confidence. Everything mentioned above keeps me from this.

Another thing is, Coronavirus doesnt make it easy. I live in miami, one of the hotbeds of the virus, and Im not allowed to go outside at all. I was planning to get a job and earn some money to buy products, gym membership, etc. but Corona ruined it. Can anyone help me? I dont know where to start, or how to?
thats great