I gained weight and my gf hates it.

D

depressbf

Guest
Since I started to work at a foreign country as a chef, I noticed that I gained weight and my girlfriend hates it. She keeps on telling me I should try to reduce my weight. I wonder if that is something you should be ashamed of. I mean, if she really loves me she wouldn’t care how I look. I am not really that fat; I just gained weight. It kills me everytime I see her acting like she doesn’t want me now because I’m kinda chubby. I’m starting to doubt if she loves me for real.
 

Jay

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
15
Points
8
Location
Germany
Hey man I can feel your Problem,

I had a very attractive ex-girlfriend which at the end of the relationship made me feel very bad about myself. (which was also my fault)

First of all, do you feel good about yourself and your Body?

How would you react if your girlfriend would gain the same amount of weight you did?

Why do you think she says this? she doesnt feel attracted to you? she worried about your health? she has low self-esteem and is worried what People say about you?

Lets find a way to fix this :)
 
D

depressbf

Guest
Hey man I can feel your Problem,

I had a very attractive ex-girlfriend which at the end of the relationship made me feel very bad about myself. (which was also my fault)

First of all, do you feel good about yourself and your Body?

How would you react if your girlfriend would gain the same amount of weight you did?

Why do you think she says this? she doesnt feel attracted to you? she worried about your health? she has low self-esteem and is worried what People say about you?

Lets find a way to fix this :)
I don't feel anything bad about myself. I'm not really fat; just gaining weight tho.

I believe that if you truly love the person, their looks wouldn't matter. I will still love her no matter how she looks.

I think she is worried about people's opinion. I really don't know. or maybe she doesn't love me anymore. I really don't have a slightest idea. Anyway, thanks for helping me out, man!
 

Jay

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2018
Messages
15
Points
8
Location
Germany
Okay, it is good that you feel good about yourself. Is it an option to ask here why she is so worried about your weightgain? Otherwise we can Just speculate. Maybe she ist worried about your health or she has very Low self esteem and is to worried what other people think etc.
 

RicardaK

New Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
4
Points
3
What really counts is how you feel in and with your body.
If your girlfriend doesn´t like your physical appearance it might be a good idea to ask her if this has got esthetic or health reasons. Then you can decide if you accept her behaviour or if you want to move on to something better.
 

justinprovement

New Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2018
Messages
8
Points
3
I could understand if she was worried about your health or maybe she likes you for who you are but is afraid she will lose her physical attraction to you if you continue to gain weight at this rate. Of course, that is being optimistic about it. I do, however, feel that if she is actually more concerned about your appearance than your personality then maybe somebody else would make a better girlfriend. That is solely your decision to make.

This could also be an opportunity to use the pain you're experiencing from this as motivation to improve your health and physical appearance.
 

Visitor

Advisor Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2017
Messages
34
Points
38
Location
Australia
...I think she is worried about people's opinion. I really don't know. or maybe she doesn't love me anymore. I really don't have a slightest idea. Anyway, thanks for helping me out, man!
Sounds like you both are having trouble communicating what is true for each other. Be brave and ask what her truth about your weight is. And be prepared to be vulnerable and exposed. Take it without one bit of resentment, revenge, or anything else the ego wishes to be compensated for. Take it on the chin. Don't expect to have your say as well unless invited to.

The more you both practice being true to each other the more trust you will have between you. Your relationship will actually become based on relating.
 

denydritz

Coaching Member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Messages
106
Points
83
I mean, if she really loves me she wouldn’t care how I look.
I want to say that this is not entirely accurate. If you love someone, you *would* care how they look, to a degree.

The joy of a relationship is that it can bring out the best in two people (whether it be a romantic relationship, parent-child, sibling, friends, even co-workers). Your girlfriend should bring out the best in you, and you bring out the best in her.

Gaining weight should never be something to be ashamed about, but it can carry with it some health risks or indications of sub-optimal health performance. Maybe your girlfriend is concerned about your health, and it makes her concerned about her health too. If you don't take care of your health much, then would you take care of her health? She needs to know she can rely and depend on you. Perhaps she sees it this way ...

On the other hand, if what she said hurt your feelings or made you wonder about the strength of your relationship, then maybe she said it the wrong way (even if her intentions were pure). This is the problem both of you need to figure out: how can she say what she means without you misunderstanding, and how can you understand what she means without feeling hurt?

Cheers!
 

nick.90

New Member
Joined
May 6, 2019
Messages
6
Points
1
Since I started to work at a foreign country as a chef, I noticed that I gained weight and my girlfriend hates it. She keeps on telling me I should try to reduce my weight. I wonder if that is something you should be ashamed of. I mean, if she really loves me she wouldn’t care how I look. I am not really that fat; I just gained weight. It kills me everytime I see her acting like she doesn’t want me now because I’m kinda chubby. I’m starting to doubt if she loves me for real.
I don't think she doesn't like you or anything but instead cares for you.

Try to lose your extra weight now that it's still early. If you let it go, it will only get harder.

Be grateful that you have a girlfriend who is not afraid to tell you the truth though.

Nick