How do you deal with your kid's tantrums?

Cecil Estrera

Member
Joined
Jun 18, 2011
Messages
347
Points
18
Location
Philippines
Having two kids with very little age gap makes it harder for me to cope up with parenting and the responsibilities associated with it. I am really having a hard time especially when both of them starts crying at even little things around. I try to be as patient as possible as I don't want to just give up and go insane.

How about other parents here? Can you give me some tips which you have found that's effective?

Thanks in advance.
 

pwcross

New Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2011
Messages
12
Points
3
Location
Oakland, CA
Oh, mama, I wish I had advice for you! I just wanted to offer a supportive message. I just have one child (so far), and he just turned two, so we have only just scratched the surface of what's possible with tantrums, I'm sure! All I can offer is that my son tends to settle down more quickly if I get down to eye level with him, speak in calm tones myself, and mirror his feelings ("I know that you're frustrated," or "I can see that you're annoyed"). When I do this, he seems to self-regulate a little better, and he's also developed a good vocabulary about his feelings (for a two-year-old, anyway). Good luck!
 

AmazingP

Advisor Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2011
Messages
705
Points
28
Well, kids are really there to test how long is the rope of our patience and understanding. I am sure that you are envious of other parents who are lucky to have kids who are well-behaved and disciplined enough never to throw tantrums for reasons you yourself can never comprehend. All I can say is that you just enjoy your kids whether they could be in good or bad mood. I agree with the reply above, talking to them in a firm voice and at the eye level can help them calm down and can set a good precedence towards communicating to them the right way. When talking to kids on important matters, we should talk like they are already adults but at the end still recognize that they still are children and just need to have some fun. :D
 

UmiNoor

Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2012
Messages
34
Points
8
When a child throws a tantrum especially in a public place, it can be very embarrassing. Every one will look at you as if you're a bad parent. For me, when my child throws a tantrum in public, I will straight away bring her to the car and go home. I don't care if I haven't done what I wanted to do but if my child doesn't behave herself in public, she'll never go out in public.

Usually before I go out with my child, I will prepare her first. I will make sure she's fed and had her nap so she's not tired. And then I will tell her where we're going and what behavior I expect of her. And if she doesn't behave, I will cut the trip short. Preparing her this way usually works. But if you want to do this, make sure you follow through with your threat. If you don't then the child will learn that you don't mean what you say and will throw a tantrum and one thing you never do is to give in. Because if you give in, she'll know that if she throws a tantrum she'll get what she wants. That is one behavior you don't want to encourage.
 

Jessi

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2012
Messages
230
Points
18
I walk away. I read a study that showed that kids are unreachable at the peak of a tantrum, so it won't do any good to try to speak rationally to them at that point. They won't be able to think logically at all and it'll only drive you crazier that they won't listen. It's better to just ignore them while they rage because they *will* calm down. They might escalate higher first, but it'll start to chill off and at that point, you can try to talk to them, including punishments, reminders of expectations, etc.

If you're at home, that's pretty easy to do. Just make sure they're safe and walk out of the room or if you need to stay in the room, calmly let them know you'll speak with them when they're done, and turn away to do something else. Don't feed into them wanting your attention because it'll only show them that it's okay later to scream or cry for you to respond. It may be hard if you've always caved before, but it's worthwhile.
 

criticalthinking

New Member
Joined
Mar 6, 2012
Messages
20
Points
1
When a child throws a tantrum especially in a public place, it can be very embarrassing. Every one will look at you as if you're a bad parent. For me, when my child throws a tantrum in public, I will straight away bring her to the car and go home. I don't care if I haven't done what I wanted to do but if my child doesn't behave herself in public, she'll never go out in public.

Usually before I go out with my child, I will prepare her first. I will make sure she's fed and had her nap so she's not tired. And then I will tell her where we're going and what behavior I expect of her. And if she doesn't behave, I will cut the trip short. Preparing her this way usually works. But if you want to do this, make sure you follow through with your threat. If you don't then the child will learn that you don't mean what you say and will throw a tantrum and one thing you never do is to give in. Because if you give in, she'll know that if she throws a tantrum she'll get what she wants. That is one behavior you don't want to encourage.
That's exactly what I used to do. I didn't care if it meant I had to leave a full grocery cart in the middle of the store. I would grab my kid, throw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and march straight home. He learned not to throw a tantrum pretty quick if he ever wanted to go anywhere. :) As for other people though, I ignored them. I refused to be embarrassed. Kids act up sometimes. That's just how they are, and I never had any patience with all the people that seemed to think if THEY had kids, they would be quiet and perfect every minute of their childhood. Those people are idiots.
 

Sarah C.

Member
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
42
Points
8
One thing to do is to figure out if there are specific things that lead to the tantrums. Is it a jealousy issue? Try to find solutions that will help the children become less frustrated. If it is just a kid being a kid, I would give consequences for this behavior. Timeout is an excellent option when you are at home. Big thing, is to follow through. At first it may take many times a day of using this technique. They are going to test you to see if they can break you down. When their behavior is bad, put them in timeout for a minute per age. (Ex. if they are 3, timeout would be 3 min.)Tell them why they are going to timeout. Set a timer, explain they have to sit still for the amount of time. If they leave the timeout, it starts over. Put them back in timeout and walk away. Do this as many times as it takes. It will get better! lol Once they realize you mean business, they will change their behavior. When the timer goes off, kneel down and explain why they were in timeout, ask for an apoplogy, forgive them and hug them. If you are out in public, I am with the other ladies. If they start behaving badly and out of control, leave where you are and go home. I do agree with preparing them before you go out. With my daughter I found if I told her where we were going and how I expected her to act, it went much better! I did have to leave sometimes when she was behaving badly. She got the message that she could'nt behave badly and stay out. My daughter is now 15...:) She is a great girl!
 

naturalista

New Member
Joined
Mar 13, 2012
Messages
3
Points
1
I feel for you, as I have a 5 year old who is legendary for his ability to make a scene. It's humiliating, stressful, and so, so overwhelming. What changed for me was reading a book that said that our current system of child rearing is creating emotionally starved children, who are literally crying out for more attention, touch, and love. It was hard, but I've started spending more time holding him, playing with him, and if his temper flares, I stay with him quietly, then just open my arms. He now comes to me, and I validate his feeling ('You really wanted me to read a different book, hub? I didn't know it was so important to you, bud' was last night's post-meltdown convo). I also have decided to take him out of kindergarten for the rest of the year, because the separation from me was destroying his self-esteem. I'm a solo parent, so this is a difficult undertaking, but I'm committed to making it work. A few weeks ago he said "You ever feel like someone left and forgot to take you? I feel like that sometimes." It kills me that my 5 year old has ever felt that, but I couldn't ignore that and then just hope he "adjusts". I have no judgment on other moms and their choices, but for me, more time and affection seems to be the obvious answer.
 

Kim Erikson

New Member
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
7
Points
1
The "terrible two's" can be a challenge. Our son is almost 4 years old now, and I must say that the tantrums are almost over. The only time it still happens, is when he is absolutely exhausted. Children in the midst of a tantrum cannot be reasoned with. It usually happens when it is the most inconvenient and embarassing for the parent, such as crossing a busy street with arms full of groceries. For example, my son would throw a tantrum because he didn't want to leave the store and then throw himself down in the middle of the road or somewhere equally inconvenient. In that situation, you have no choice, but to drag them kicking and screaming, to safety, with everyone watching and wondering what you have done to your child! Awful! If you are at home, it is easier to handle and I found that the best way was to (try to) ignore the tantrum, as long as he was in no danger to himself. Children eventually exhaust themselves and chill out on their own. Afterwards, you can try and talk to your child to find out what caused the tantrum, but mostly it is triggered by something they don't understand, and at the age of two, can't express. A bit like us being in a bad mood and not quite sure why! The worst thing to do is shout at them or try and get them to snap out of it. It just makes it worse. My advice is to try your best to remain calm and ignore the tantrum as much as possible. As soon as children improve with their speech, it seems to happen a lot less as they can express themselves better and are less frustrated.