How do I make a beautiful woman invest in the conversation and how do I deal with the boyfriend line?

Bruno Kugler

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I noticed that I hate beautiful women. I know where it's coming from, it is justified, but it is not helping me.

Whenever I approached beautiful women, one of those two things happened:
  1. She says, she had a boyfriend and left.
  2. We talk and the conversation leads nowhere. I can tell her that I like her, I can avoid saying it. I can tell her things that matter to me very much. Same outcome. She just does not light up or care about me. No matter what I said or did.
  3. Whenever I caved in and loosened up, smiling and laughing when I felt like it, beautiful women turned cold and looked for a way to leave. Which makes me extra angry when beautiful women smile at me, because THEY can smile at me and get smiles back, but when I smile at them, they treat me like s**t. So I try to give them the cold shoulder, but my emotions get the best of me. So I don't give them the cold shoulder, I am just stifled and look like an inhibited nerd. Or they say the dumbest phrases and everybody cheers them up, I say ONE dumb phrase and I am OUT of the group. They can be cheerful, open, expressive and happy. And I can only be reserved, not smiling and always in control. Any deviation from this leads to disrespect from her and everyone else.
Then I see this very woman with some other guy, who is not better than me. But this time, she IS into him.

I tried putting her down, being playful. It was in vain. Especially if she told me about her boyfriend. Here I ignored it, I made him look like a nice guy or I put her subtly down.

But never has any beautiful woman ever cared about getting together with me. It seems that whenever a woman is with me, every other guy is better for her.

I have never gotten any useful feedback by a woman, which is an added drawback.

Of course, I stopped approaching hot women, because I did not want to hear the boyfriend line again. Or try my best to hold a conversation that leads nowhere. Or know that I will be replaced in a second if a "hotter" guy tags along.

But I tense up. Whenever I see a hot girl and for some reason I have to talk to her, everything tenses up. Like in an elevator. And of course I know where this is coming from. This is coming from my body preparing for sex, which doesn't need talking, that never happens. But my experiences did not show me a way to make it happen. And if a not so hot girl wants me, it's for reasons I have never understood. I do the exact same thing with one woman and she is all over me. The same with another and she doesn't give a s**t. And MOST don't care. Without EVER telling me why. Without ever giving me any hint. I have to GUESS all the time and this makes me furious. THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHY. But they make up reasons like there's no tomorrow.

So not saying / doing anything does not lead to sex and my body told me exactly that it wants sex and does not let me off the hook. Saying and doing something led to conversations where I invested much more in the conversation or the boyfriend line.

Therefore if I knew how to make her invest in the conversation and how to deal with the boyfriend line, my biggest problems were gone.
 
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MoreSuccess

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I know what you mean. Perhaps the tensing up is not from preparing for sex, rather rejection anxiety based upon past experiences? I think it's pretty common for a lot of guys, and just makes it even harder if the women is so hot that she has guys after her all the time. I think better to have a girlfriend that is not as hot but doesn't have a huge ego and can be a friend rather than just a sex partner. Plus, the hotter your girlfriend is, you just have to deal with guys hitting on her and worried she gets tempted to leave after she's bored with you. Besides, the hotness factor fades with time and what is left as a relationship is what matters most longer term.
 

Bruno Kugler

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How do I make her invest in the conversation and how do I avoid the boyfriend line?
 

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I'm far from an expert but will share my thoughts. If the girl has a boyfriend and senses at all that you're hitting on her, it's natural for her to slip that in as a clue to not waste your time. If she can see you're cool with it, then she's more likely to relax into the conversation. Maybe ask about the boyfriend to show you're cool with it. Who knows, maybe you get to know her as a friend and you're the one she turns to when things go bad with her boyfriend.

If you're not cool with it, then better you know sooner than later and exit the interaction. If so, she's going to sense your loss of interest anyway. Most beautiful women are going to have a boyfriend already so I think best just to assume as much.

Regarding conversation going nowhere, focus on her if you're not already. Not on yourself or what matters to you. Ask questions and follow-up questions, compliment, try to find genuine interest in whatever she wants to talk about. Minimize talking about yourself except where she asks.

Also read https://images.kw.com/docs/2/1/2/212345/1285134779158_htwfaip.pdf for tips on attracting people whether women or men, it helped me a lot earlier in life.
 

Bruno Kugler

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What is a boyfriend? A boyfriend is some man she met earlier than you who had sex with her. Therefore her boyfriend is her past choice, not yours. There is no reason to become her platonic friend because of a past choice of hers.
 

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Makes sense. If she wants to limit herself to the one guy for sex, move on. The sooner you know, the less time you’re wasting.
 

Bruno Kugler

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It means, that he doesn't matter. And that there is something entirely different going on when she says the boyfriend line than "I am faithful". To deal with it, I need to know, what it really means when she says that.
 

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Ok if she is lying about having a "real" boyfriend then perhaps she just thinks it's less hurtful way of rejection. Rejection sucks anyway it comes. What I dislike is finding out long after she's been real friendly. I asked a girl out once weeks after we took lots of work breaks together and she was so open and friendly, and then she tells me she has a boyfriend when I ask her out. Sorry I'm not much help with your question.
 

Bruno Kugler

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Thank you for trying to help. I feel with you. In your situation, a quick moving forward, it asking out quickly, will help.