His Three Kids

Gina33

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Dec 3, 2013
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I have three children, and my boyfriend has three children. The thing is that my boyfriend and I have only been dating for a year. In that time I have only met two of his children once, and the other not at all. Their mother has refused to give him his parenting time. He is going through the courts.

Now that you have background, I want to share my feelings about this. I am scared. I do not know how life is going to change when we get full custody of them. The lawyer says we are close. Our whole family dynamic will change.

I have never had step children before. No, we aren't married, but I will treat his kids like my own. I have some happy thoughts and some crazy thoughts, such as, "What if I get jealous of his kids." I shouldn't even think that way. What is it like accepting a step child in to your life?
 

MyDigitalpoint

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I could not talk about my position because I would see this possibility out of time. I would accept it when I was younger, but at this stage of my life I don't feel like having the patience and energy to go with it.

However and focusing on your own situation, problem is what you already expressed; you have only seen two of them once and not at all the other. If your partner is battling for their custody is likely that their mother has already "trained" them to reject you, otherwise the opportunity to meet these kids would happen since before.

Now put yourself aside and think of your own kids. They would also need to start getting closer to their next-to-be step-brothers.

Of course, you can still do it, but it will take longer and loads of patience because you don't know what is coming along with the new kids.

Perhaps we are already procrastinating and they are really good boys, but under the limitations that their mother has imposed them.

Talk to your partner and ask him how he plans to get you and his kids integrating into a new family, and how they will integrate with your own kids.

From that talk you can make a decision to scare your fear away, or get ready for the next step.
 

Gina33

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I asked him that, and he said he plans to take any day we have them off. If we get full custody, say she goes to jail (she could but I won't go in to that) then he would finish the work week and take the next week off.

You are right, if their mother is keeping them from him this way, then it is for sure that she will already predisposition them against me. I can't blame the kids for that, they are just children. I think it is kind of sick to do something like that. I have never once tried to do anything like that when it comes to my ex.

I can't ask that their mother grow up. All I can do is control myself. I am still scared, still worried. I love this man, but I feel like we can not get closer unless I meet his kids and we figure this issue out.
 

MyDigitalpoint

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If you love and he corresponds you, for sure you will find the workaround.

You are right, children are simply doing what they think is the correct based on what their mother could told them about you, but once she is away from them, I think that your love and comprehension will turn them into accepting you and, who knows, maybe you might be someday their best friend.

It's all about love, comprehension and industrial amount of patience and self confidence. If the children see you are scared, they may take control of the situation, but I know that the love you feel for your mean will give you the strength that you need to cope with this challenge.
 

Gina33

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You are right. I can not show my fear or my frustrations. I know these kids are going to need A LOT of attention and love. I work full time right now, and so does he. However, with six kids, and three of whom are coming from a home where there mother is more interested in drugs and the assistance, than the kids things will have to change. I will still telecommute, maybe 20 hours a week. The part that makes me nervous is that he does not get paid much, and his hours are going down. I don't know if I can afford to cut my hours.