Help with work

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#1
I have had depression last few years. Problems with booze. Im also neurotic ! I have tried to get help but services are terrible where i live. I have had a few rows with people in work. Some complaints have been made. Now a lot of people won't talk to me or accept my apology. I am willing to change but people just want to keep grudges.

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#3
I have had depression last few years. Problems with booze. Im also neurotic ! I have tried to get help but services are terrible where i live. I have had a few rows with people in work. Some complaints have been made. Now a lot of people won't talk to me or accept my apology. I am willing to change but people just want to keep grudges.

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Sorry to hear about this. I've heard a lot of good things about AA. You might look into it.
 

VEM

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#4
The important thing is you're trying to improve. You must back up your apologies with no longer being rowdy. Beyond that, you have to deal with it and move on if these colleagues still want nothing to do with you.
I agree with Todd. I think if you follow his plan of action you'll slowly move into a better state of mind and life environment.

Barry you realize and have identified your problems and you must put emotional force, a strong will behind your efforts to get better. There not being much professional help for you does not mean you can't do it on your own. Please don't think that. I would still try and seek professional help and at the same time continue making an effort on your own. At work, like Todd said, stop being rowdy and show them you've changed but definitely don't expect them to become friendly with you quickly. Obviously this has been going on for some time, correct me if I'm wrong. If the rowdiness has been going on for awhile then its gonna take some time to reverse what has happened. You are in the process of doing that but you MUST HAVE PATIENCE.

Barry you're not alone in this journey. You have us, the people on this website that do care about their fellow travelers. If you ever want to talk on the phone if you think that will help you then you let me know through a private message.
 

MoreSuccess

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#5
Good suggestions here. Sometimes one has to hit rock bottom to be disgusted enough to make some radical changes in your life. Throwing away all the current beliefs and behaviors that aren't working and trying some new ones. Most people don't like change, nor do they want to think they have faulty beliefs. It was a long time ago but I went through that. I think it's important to avoid blaming anyone else and only look to what you can do differently yourself. You can't usually change other people so blaming them is essentially letting them distract you from personal development, don't give them that power over you.
 
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#6
Hey, i know its hard to get out of dipression, and its hard to find some answers how to get out of it. With my depression i found pills that helps me. I found them here: https://nootropicboost.com. You can search there for stacks which helps with dipression! Hope it will helpfull for you.
 
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#7
Hey Barry,

What you're going through is tough and you've already done the most important step: To analyze the situation and most importantly you understand that the problem lies within yourself. A lot of people look to blame someone or something for the situation they're in. Realizing that is a big step; well done.

I fully understand what you mean by getting into rows with people at work. Sometimes its inevitable and sometimes of course you're asking for it.

What I need you to think about and understand is that none of these people at work know how you feel or understand what you're going through. And they never will. Everyone lives in their own world. The moment you might "have an attitude" towards them, all they see is an unfriendly person. They don't see the pain and struggle behind it. They don't try to understand. This is true for most people out there. So what I need you to do is completely shift your focus from them to yourself.

Go to each one of them individually and take your time - ONCE - to apologize to them and explain your situation. After you did that just make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes again. But you don't apologize to them for them to accept you or forgive you. No. You're not seeking anyones acceptance or forgiveness. The reason why you will apologize and explain yourself is so that you can get even WITH YOURSELF. This is a form of letting out negativity and bad energy. As long as you just do it for yourself and not for them, you'll be just fine.

Look, you're not looking for any friends at work. And you shouldn't. Go to work, do your job and then go enjoy your private life. If you need to speak to someone regarding work, do it. Other than that, make a clear distinction between your private and professional life. It will benefit you in the long run ... The moment you let people get too close is the moment you automatically, subconsciously give them more power over you.

The less they know about you, the better. The less they know about you, the less they can say about you. The less they know about you, the more they respect you. Be wily, inscrutable and prudent at all times. I know this might sound strange, but it ultimately is the way to go.

I hope I could help you. Good luck!
 

Todd Hicks

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#8
Hey Barry,

What you're going through is tough and you've already done the most important step: To analyze the situation and most importantly you understand that the problem lies within yourself. A lot of people look to blame someone or something for the situation they're in. Realizing that is a big step; well done.

I fully understand what you mean by getting into rows with people at work. Sometimes its inevitable and sometimes of course you're asking for it.

What I need you to think about and understand is that none of these people at work know how you feel or understand what you're going through. And they never will. Everyone lives in their own world. The moment you might "have an attitude" towards them, all they see is an unfriendly person. They don't see the pain and struggle behind it. They don't try to understand. This is true for most people out there. So what I need you to do is completely shift your focus from them to yourself.

Go to each one of them individually and take your time - ONCE - to apologize to them and explain your situation. After you did that just make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes again. But you don't apologize to them for them to accept you or forgive you. No. You're not seeking anyones acceptance or forgiveness. The reason why you will apologize and explain yourself is so that you can get even WITH YOURSELF. This is a form of letting out negativity and bad energy. As long as you just do it for yourself and not for them, you'll be just fine.

Look, you're not looking for any friends at work. And you shouldn't. Go to work, do your job and then go enjoy your private life. If you need to speak to someone regarding work, do it. Other than that, make a clear distinction between your private and professional life. It will benefit you in the long run ... The moment you let people get too close is the moment you automatically, subconsciously give them more power over you.

The less they know about you, the better. The less they know about you, the less they can say about you. The less they know about you, the more they respect you. Be wily, inscrutable and prudent at all times. I know this might sound strange, but it ultimately is the way to go.

I hope I could help you. Good luck!
Although you may not want to become too chummy with co-workers, socialization at work is a good thing as long as it doesn't interfere with your work. Don't be afraid to chat freely on your lunch break.
 
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#9
Although you may not want to become too chummy with co-workers, socialization at work is a good thing as long as it doesn't interfere with your work. Don't be afraid to chat freely on your lunch break.
You are absolutely right. I was not trying to say that anyone should be aloof of course. This was rather an example of how to get the situation back under control.

It may differ from person to person; but that's what has worked for me in the past.