Friendship dilema

Mindy

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Aug 8, 2015
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Has anyone ever had a best friend that relied on you for moral and emotional support but once they don't need it they think about you or contact you a lot less?
I have a best friend for almost 11 years, she lived with her boyfriend so times that they were together I barely heard from her weeks at a time, but once he moved to another city for a job and she became lonely all of a sudden i'm first on her mind to call 24/7. and needs the emotional help to cope with his distance. I just feel used by this sometimes. I don't know how to break the cycle because I'm too accepting, when she ignores me because she's too busy i forgive and when she needs me again I allow her to use my shoulder to cry on, i've felt very used. Anyone can help with any suggestions how to act with her to make her understand what she does is wrong?
I care about her as a friend but she needs to learn a lesson!

Thank you everyone
 

J E Roberson

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Jun 9, 2014
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Hi Mindy, only very emotionally strong people attract friends like this. Your strength I'm sure goes to serve a few different people who have trouble maintaining their own energy?

There may be a lesson for her to learn but that doesn't mean she will change. What she is doing in not wrong in her eyes, it may be the ultimate right as she is seeking what she needs to go on with life. This challenge can only be solved from your end.

Being in this situation personally before, I want to suggest a few places in the cycle you can eliminate the feelings of being used.

1. The first of many options you have is to stop feeling used. That feeling, has a story that you can choice to no longer tell yourself. Realizing you are sought after because of your strength can help eliminate a story of being a victim.

2. You can protect your energy in order to give more before you are drained. If you maintain a very positive "Feeling" attitude as your friends cries her heart out you won't feel depleted after the fact when she is gone. This is because instead of lowering your good vibe to meet her in sadness basically freeing energy for her to take, you can encourage her to raise her own energy by giving her a rock to reach for. You do this by feeling good inside and not taking on her feelings at that moment. Energy leaches will find a new host.

3. Another front to address this, is totally elimination of the situation. It is normally only a short term solution. This may come with guilt depending on how much of a giving heart you own and also how loyal you are. This is a great plan for immediately feeling better, however hard to execute for some unless hurt by the other person and also may arise again if avoidance of inner thoughts that created this situation aren't addressed.

4. You can reverse your judgment of her, and claim that you are doing everything to her that you say she is doing to you. After claiming this statement as the new truth. You can make adjustments in your behavior that usually eliminate the perceived problem. (this step is called "the Work," Byron katie)

I know you have the inner wisdom to take this challenge on I hope this gives you a few different ways to look at the situation and sparks a plan. These are only a few of many ways to deal with this.

To being the hero of our story.
 

Mindy

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Aug 8, 2015
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wow thank you for this profound advice, i highly appreciate it and it definitely helps alot to take all of your suggestions and work on them. I am lucky to have you to respond to my problem, Thank you my friend
 

lifeaidecoach

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Jul 21, 2015
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You must rise above the feeling of "being used". You need friends that provide a reciprocal friendship to rely on. It doesn't mean this person can't be in your life just that they aren't your confident. You are there for a reason and you can serve that purpose, or chose not to.
Hugs
jeanie