Friendship And Exes

AmazingP

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Ideally, we should really extend a hand of friendship to all our former lovers because whether we like it not they were also a part of our lives. However, this can give rise to some awkward situations and some questions that have to deal with.

Can former lovers truly be friends with no more attachment involved and no ulterior motives?

What if one has already moved on and is in a new relationship and the other ex still has feelings and hasn't moved on…do you think a friendship between the two exes is a good idea at that point? :D :D
 

DeeNeely

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We are friends with most of our exes and our exes are friends with each other. I remember amazing my friends at work with my exes and my spouses exes coming by just to chat.
The animosity we feel towards are exes are more often a matter of social programming than anything else. It is part of the mindset which says, "If I can't have you, then no one should." Its a form of jealousy and jealousy is invariable a form of neurotic insecurity. I think Robert Heinlein said it best:
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own... Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy.
 

Jessi

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I do think they can be friends without there being anything else going on. It's important that both people have really moved on and are in a healthy place before a friendship can really just be a friendship, though. Depending on if the relationship ended up good terms or not can make a huge difference, too, and sometimes, it's just plain not possible to continue a friendship after-the-fact because there are too many hurt emotions.
 

zararina

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I think it depends on what would be the reason for break up.
If its a painful breakup, it would be hard for them to be friends again specially if there were cases of cheating and abuses. But for those people who an really forgive despite anything had happened, it could be possible to be friends again.
 

ayedsena

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We do not bring our past into our marriage. It has no significance and it does not matter what happened back then. I live for what is going on right at this moment. I have no want or need to have a friendship with any past boyfriends.
 

Cecil Estrera

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Yes, it is possible. That is, if issues between both parties have been resolved already. I can see my sister and her exes get along well now that they are in a different relationship.

I really think it depends on two individuals whether they should be friends or not after breaking up. How I wish I could be a friend to my exes too. :(
 

UmiNoor

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I am not friends with any of my exes. For me, once I break up with a guy, there's no point in having any communication with that person. I guess this is because I was always the one doing the breaking up and the guys still had feelings for me. I don't think I can ever be friends with my exes. It will be totally awkward and weird especially if I am with somebody else.
 
A

artistry

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It is a very good idea, I feel to let a certain amount of time pass, before trying to have a platonic friendship with an ex-lover. That way, both can have their space to move on, to develop other relationships, and to heal from a break-up if healing is needed. Time is very good medicine. That would lessen any awkwardness in future situations. Give it time.
 

Daisiesndots

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I think that friendship with ex's should always be avoided. I feel that being friends with ex's only leads the door open. I think that at some point throughout the years both parties will find themselves wondering "what if" and unfortunately it rarely happens at the same time. It usually happens when the other person is happy with someone else. Not to mention if they did get back together the time spent away from each other could potentially be an issue. One person might dwell on who the other person dated and worry that they may go back to that person. This also can create tension between a new lover who may be intimated by the relationship. I do not stay friends with ex's but I do stay civil.
 

amy005

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Being friends with my exes has never really worked out for me because most end up trying to date me again. We ended the relationship for a reason. I also have been in a long term relationship, the fact that so many ex's try to be in my life again puts a strain on that relationship. Not worth it to me.
 

Haley

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I think it depends on the relationship. Factors such as how serious, how long, and how bad the break-up was can all effect this. Personally, I have a few ex's that I am still casual friends with. It is sometimes awkward when we run into each other, but we are still sociable. On the other hand, I have one ex that I am not friends with. We were in a very serious, long-term relationship. It is hard for me because when we see each other in public, we do not speak. It is difficult and awkward because he was such a huge part of my life and now we do not even speak.
 

diane marden doria

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I tried to get in touch with my only one Ex but it seems that he is not open to idea of us getting friends after our break-up. I can't blame him though because I feel the same before. By the way, we broke up becuase he had third party. I don't even want to see his face after the break-up and it took me four years to get over the hatred and emotional trauma I had. Because moving on and getting ready to be friend with your ex may differ on the reasons of breakup.
 
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Although there is a saying that goes "past is past", still there is no way we can bring them to our lives. There might be a very unreasonable to the answer "why?" but it is what our minds and hearts say so. It is advisable to befriend your exes--yes. But never to a point that he/she can get close to you especially when you are already married or girlfriend/boyfriend for it is one of the major aspect where your partner can prove you really respect them. And for me, befriending your exes means you are giving them the very first hint that you are again opening your heart to them. Besides, most of the reason that you broke up is because things went wrong without even compromising. You don't want to experience the same thing over again in his/her hands right?
 

blackcapped

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Friendship with my ex-boyfriends have always been an issue for me. There are very few of my ex-boyfriends that I still talk to. I've had a few nasty breakups, and I cannot imagine getting beyond those enough to have regular conversations still. Some of my ex-boyfriends are also now married, and I don't ever want to cross any boundaries that could cause his wife to become upset. I am friends with married men, sure, but not ex-boyfriends who are now married.
 
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I am still friends with a couple of my exes. But they are not "best friends." I still care for them and talk to them at times. We are on good terms but rarely hang out and such.
 

rose banks

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I don't think I wanted my husband to have connection to his exes. Chances are he might be seduced by his ex because she still love him or my husband still have a special feeling for her, or their feelings both might come back.