Senior Member
Jun 2, 2016
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness may not always be easy, but it can be done more easily with a few exercises and the right mindset.

What is Forgiveness?
  • Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his behaviour — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Forgiveness can be defined as the decision to let go of resentment, anger, and thoughts of vengeance.
Be Grateful for What He/She Brought into Your Life
  • Instead thinking yourself as a victim when someone has wronged you, try to put a positive spin on the situation and see if there’s something that you can really learn from the experience. Beneath the pain, there’s always a life lesson that plays out—look for what he/she taught you, and begin to focus on that lesson instead of the pain of the memory.
  • Reframe and change the conceptual or emotional viewpoint from which you experience an event and put it in positive illustration.
Think the things he/she contributed to your life in a good way.
  • Think of the great and good things the person did for you and all of the memories you shared. Refer to it when you’re feeling angry or resentful if you need to. If you reminisce the beautiful and good things happened to the both of you, then you’ll be less likely to resent the person for hurting you.
Remind the benefits of forgiving someone
Many studies have shown that attaining and practicing forgiveness is good for your emotional and physical health. Forgiving someone can lead to.

  • Healthier relationships
  • Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
  • Reduced stress, anxiety, and hostility
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Positive Thoughts
  • Stronger immune system
  • Ability to function better in workplace
  • Increases hope and optimism
  • Higher self-esteem
Learn the Techniques on Anger Management
You can learn and practise by yourself on how to manage your anger in order to help speed up forgiving someone.

  • Express Yourself
  • Don’t hold Grudges
  • Interrupt the anger cycle
  • Relax
  • Build Trust Again
  • Forgive and Forget
  • Talk about how you feel
  • Let go of angry thoughts
Healing: Moving on and accepting what has happened
  • Develop the habit of looking at whatever happens through a positive mindset.
  • Letting go can be defined as: “A combination of accepting, but not denying; living in the present and looking forward to the future without regret for the past, and a willingness to move on and beyond.”
  • Repeat these affirmations:
  • “I accept what has been done. I release you from my life now.”
  • “I forgive myself so that I can forgive others.”
A few reminders

The act of forgiveness releases us from past aches and bad memories. Forgiving is to surrender oneself from the control of others and allow the past to be forgotten. If we choose not to forgive, we subject ourselves to the possibility of carrying anger, bitterness and resentment into future situations and relationships, as well as deprive ourselves of the peace of mind, health and happiness we deserve.

Todd Hicks

Senior Advisor
Dec 3, 2014
St. Louis, Missouri
Although I agree with your post and that forgiveness is crucial, I will point out that it is hard to learn anything from something bad someone has done to you, especially if you were never friends with him/her.