Family Relationships

MintyLyton

New Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2017
Messages
1
Points
3
Hi, I'm new to the forum so I want to say nice to meet everyone! I wanted to know people's opinions on my relationship with my family and maybe actions I should take to resolve or deal with them. I've been living with my family for a long time but I've never felt like I had a deep connection to all of them besides my mother. We live in a family of 4 with my brother still in the Philippines.

I am the youngest out of all my siblings but I always feel like I'm out of place in my family. I don't speak my native tongue (which causes problems sometimes), I don't know much of my cousins or relatives, and I've never seen my brother since I was a kid. I used to go to day-care after school, or during high school, I used to play video games and do other activities to segregate myself from my family.

A little background information about my family is that my father used to work as a delivery driver for mechanics, but took time off because he had an accident at work. This was during my elementary days but since then he hasn't been working at all even after his body has healed. My sister however, used to study as a nurse back in the Philippines but ever since she came to Canada with us, she also shares the same lazy traits as my father. I am also not except from this because I used to be like this when I was growing up in elementary / high-school. I only really got out of it once I graduated from high-school but I felt like It was so late for me. On the other side of the spectrum, my mother works as an independent immigration consultant at home. She supports everyone by paying for all the bills and the food that comes on to the dinner table. Since I started working however, I started paying for all my necessities so that I could lessen the burden. I also study during my past time to try to get into an entry level job in my field.

My question is, how can I fix my relationship with my family? I've never had a proper deep conversation with anyone of my family besides my mother.

The things I've done as of now are trying to talk things out with my father but things don't work out as planned. My father always tries to stay at a distance from me when I want to talk to him. I've told him numerous times that, I wanted to talk to him but he either changes the topic or laughs at me for being emotional about our family. There were times where he would laugh at me crying about how I want to solve our family situation. he always responds in an aggressive tone and would never look at me when I bring up the issue of working. I've also talked to my mother about it but she says "Let him be and you focus on yourself" or "He is past the point of arguing with now".

My family lives with constant yelling and Its been constantly affecting me. I have been living with depression and anxiety because of this but I've since grown out of it since I've learned to control my emotions. I've done this for the past 6 years ever since I graduated from high school. He brings up issues of "Why can't I help out the family?" or "Why don't you work? You are young and you can get jobs.". I've tried to tell him that I'm studying and I have to be patient in order to get a job, while still working a part-time job as a cashier.

Sorry for the long topic but I wanted everyone to understand where I'm coming from. It's been a tough few years for me to even get to this point of sharing my life.
 

Visitor

Advisor Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2017
Messages
34
Points
38
Location
Australia
The truth is we cannot change people unless they want to change. The only thing we can change is our self - especially our perception of things by changing our own attitude.
A good motto is "Live and let live". In this way, we let people live their life, even if it goes against our own morals. Because we have stopped interfering we start to listen more to what others are say (their beliefs, fears, desires, etc). This helps us to understand where they are coming from. Then, whenever they ask us to conform with their world view and their self, and we do not wish too, we can share why our own view is different. In this way, we only say what is asked of us. It is a non-intrusive approach to fixing your own relationship with your family (not them to you).