Do You Think it is Truly Possible To Forgive Your Mate

chris9884

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can you truly forgive your mate and trust again if he has lied or cheated? if so, how?
 

MoreSuccess

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The forgiveness is easier than trust in my experience. You can forgive hoping it won't happen again, but still having doubt. Trust will take a long time to rebuild and may not ever be 100%. And then that trust can be shattered if it happens again, and then be less likely to recover from. At that point you have to decide which is worse, living with the situation or leaving it.
 

Danielki

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I don't think you can rebuild trust after someone cheats on you. It can take a life time to build trust and a moment to break it. I think you can forgive someone but they say in order to truly forgive you need to forget and how do you forget such a gross betrayal of trust. You may forgive but then one or both parties are likely to become insecure, the cheater thinks I cheated and maybe they will cheat on me. The person who's been cheated on may think they cheated once they'll do it again. Then you're phoning, texting, wondering where they are and often like gripping soap the relationship slips away.
 

simone

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If your mate is a cheater, i think which you should forgot he. If instead he is cheated only one time, you will can release.
Though if you forgiveness he, you don't should remember that which he have made.
 

Pratima

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can you truly forgive your mate and trust again if he has lied or cheated? if so, how?
It is always wise to forgive anyone but only if that person deserves it. If your mate has the habit of cheating, he will do it repeatedly. To forgive your mate also depends on circumstances you are living in. If you think that everything will be fine then there is no harm in forgiving & leading a happy life afterwards.
 

AAW99

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It is always wise to forgive anyone but only if that person deserves it. If your mate has the habit of cheating, he will do it repeatedly. To forgive your mate also depends on circumstances you are living in. If you think that everything will be fine then there is no harm in forgiving & leading a happy life afterwards.
Wise and valid points as always Pratima :) I believe that forgiveness is only do-able for those who know how to forgive themselves... Same with love, happiness, belief/faith, and respect.

To give any of the above qualities to another person we must learn how to give them to ourselves first. People cannot give what they do not have. My own life was dramatically changed once I paid due attention to this concept, I now teach my clients how to fill the void/gap within before attempting to fill another's.

This is why I believe that self-improvement is such a valuable activity/practice; people go 'inwards' to ferret out those mysteries that many do not dare to face, and in facing those personal depths we then have an opportunity to learn how to forgive properly, from inside-to-out.

Thanks for sharing!
 

Cynthia

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Yes, I believe it's possible to forgive all things. Forgive! It's a gift to YOU. That does not mean there will ever be a return to trust -- or even association with the person you forgive. That's a separate issue. And -- if you wonder about getting there, well, the first step is forgiveness, so try that out for a while before you reach for finding out whether anything else is possible, desirable, or safe for you.
 

Developonlinesuccess

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A hard one, do you still love the person, are they truly sorry, or is it a repeated story? If it is your partner and you have children, I would give it a second chance only once, as I didn't and the children suffered. You may regret not doing so in the future, but be adult and talk it through however painful.

You can cope alone I brought up 3 children alone, but a family that is successful is better.
 

William Martinez

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If you forgive a one time trust breaking event, it must be totally with your whole heart. But more importantly, figure out why they did what they did, and what need were they trying to fullfill, and is it possible that you weren't full filling it? Work on learning eachother needs, and helping to full filling them. But if you build everything back up the right way, only to have it happen again, forgive that person for there issues need more guidan e than you can provide, and move on:)
 

steven

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If you want only one person in your life... he should be someone that you trust. However, the situations can be very different, so I prefer to look at the situation from time to time.

(but if you have no trust now....I think you'll have ever at least a little bad feeling in the deep of your mind...)
 

Bestselfology

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I think it is important to try and forgive. It doesn't mean you have to trust them and take them back into your life, but you can still try to forgive them.

These 12 steps can help you with how to truly forgive someone:

1) Acknowledge what was done and how you feel about it

2) Look at things from the other persons perspective

3) Acknowledge that everyone can make mistakes

4) Understand it is you that is suffering if you hold on to the grudge

5) Acknowledge that you don't need to condone the actions, just accept them

6) Realise it makes you stronger rather than weaker to forgive

7) Let go of any hurt and anger

8) Take responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing

9) Focus on the present not the past

10) Understand you can only control yourself, you cannot control not others

11) Focus on what you want for yourself and how you can make it happen rather than what others have done to you

12) Look for the positives that came from it - even terrible events can have some positive lessons
 

Todd Hicks

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I think it is important to try and forgive. It doesn't mean you have to trust them and take them back into your life, but you can still try to forgive them.

These 12 steps can help you with how to truly forgive someone:

1) Acknowledge what was done and how you feel about it

2) Look at things from the other persons perspective

3) Acknowledge that everyone can make mistakes

4) Understand it is you that is suffering if you hold on to the grudge

5) Acknowledge that you don't need to condone the actions, just accept them

6) Realise it makes you stronger rather than weaker to forgive

7) Let go of any hurt and anger

8) Take responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing

9) Focus on the present not the past

10) Understand you can only control yourself, you cannot control not others

11) Focus on what you want for yourself and how you can make it happen rather than what others have done to you

12) Look for the positives that came from it - even terrible events can have some positive lessons
You're right. You can forgive others without being friends with them. Tell them you forgive them but it's best to go your separate ways.
 
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I think you can forgive, but you have to learn the lesson and set up boundaries so it doesn't happen again. One thing is to forgive, another is to be taken for a dummy. You first have to have let the person know that your trust have been betrayed, therefore, it has to be regained back through WORK.

Second, you have to find out why and how it happened. We have to take ownership of the situation. Even if the person turns out to be a cheater that just likes doing it, why didn't we catch it sooner? What about us led that person to believe that was "acceptable"? Did we give them an opportunity to take advantage of us?

We take control of what we can take control of, ourselves and our actions. Then, wherever we are "weak" we strengthen and set the boundaries and standards to make sure it doesn't happen again. I once was cheated because I was working so hard on a project and not "all there" and giving affection during a stressful time in my partner's life.

Now, this doesn't excuses the behavior. She shouldn't have cheated and talk to me instead...but I also have to make sure that I don't do stuff like that again - even if it was for the relationships to come. I have to take ownership of my effortless behavior. Again, I'm not excusing or justifying the cheating, we're not even together again, but i'm taking ownership of what I can, myself, to reduce the odds of it happening again.

Then after all that, it's up to the other person. Not everyone will put the hard work it takes to EARN the trust back and not everyone should get our trust back.

Can you ever trust them? Yes

Will it be easy? Oh no!

Will it be worth it? That depends. It's all case by case. Did the person genuinely messed up and is remorseful about it (the act, not just getting caught). That's a very important question to know the answer to.