Culture vs. Positive Parenting

pwcross

New Member
Joined
Nov 5, 2011
Messages
12
Points
3
Location
Oakland, CA
Hey, fellow parents,

I am a first generation Chinese American, and I was raised in a relatively strict home. A parent's authority was not to be questioned, and we were raised to respect our elders at all times. While I wasn't allowed much freedom, I was also overachieving and never stepped a toe out of line.

Now I'm a mom to a beautiful, inquisitive, energetic two-year-old boy. I've been out of my parents' house for thirteen years, living in a liberal area. My own values are quite liberal. To set the context, my best mom-friends are those I made in my pre- and post-natal yoga classes, cloth diapering groups, and conscious parenting meetings.

Enter the temper tantrum. My desire is to be the parent who unflappably gets down to my child's eye-level, speaks calmly, and reacts with empathy. In other words, the "positive parent." But my instinct is that of the Chinese mother, the one who expects respect and obedience from my child. It can be so hard to reconcile these two parts of my mind.

Does anyone else out there struggle with this sort of thing?
 

fancyfingers

Member
Joined
Aug 21, 2011
Messages
55
Points
8
Location
southwest USA
I too, was raised in a very strict home, coupled with parochial school for 12 years. I try to take the positive from the way I was raised and mesh it with more compassion, empathy, and patience. Above all, my main goal is to raise my children to become wonderful, productive and above all, caring members of society.
 

Yolanda

Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2011
Messages
81
Points
8
Location
Holland
There is nothing wrong with wanting respect and obedience of your child. Positive parenting is a good thing and I applaud it, but there are boundaries that are there and which aren't open for discussion. This may sound old fashioned, but some rules are set by parents which you have to follow; end of story. There is nothing wrong with that. I come from a very liberal family, but I also new that certain things were just not done. I wouldn't dream of harming another person or an animal and I knew it was important to do my best in school. Even though my parents never pushed me and never got angry if I did get lower grades, I know this was merely because they knew I did my best. They would have been strict if I was trying to get of easy. It's all about finding a balance, and that's the hardest thing about parenting.
 

AmazingP

Advisor Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2011
Messages
705
Points
28
I was raised under good parents who seemed to strike the balance between imposing respect and obedience but with love and care thrown into the mix. We were only three in the family and my mother was the primary disciplinarian but then she never use discipline as an excuse for violence. Considering that the three of us were males, lots of people would really be surprise to know that nobody deviated from the path which our parents would like us to thread on our own. :D