Raising children is difficult, and it is so nice when you and your spouse are on the same page, but there are times when you have different ideas. What do you do in these situations?
We have a blended family, so if there's an issue that could raise any disagreement all of the parents get together and discuss it without the kids. Since it's important to have the same rules for all, those who aren't biologically tied to the child in question is a part of the discussion as well since the decision will also affect their bio kid eventually. We have the same disciplinary methods in all households, the same reward systems, and the same day to day schedules- with exceptions for grandparent spoiling rights of course. But even the grandparents understand that their right to spoil only goes so far and they have to enforce the same big rules at their houses. For medical issues the parents of the child are the only ones involved, but everyone is made aware of the situation. For example, one of our daughters had to have her tonsils out last year, but she also has a bleeding disorder. Me, my sweetie, and her bio dad were involved in the decisions for that, but we made sure that everyone in the family knew what was going on and all of the risks involved. We're very lucky that everyone in our family loves all of the kids equally and that all of the adults get along well. Before we moved to Knoxville we frequently had family gatherings in our home that everyone attended, and everyone had a good time hanging out with each other.
I believe good communication and open-mindedness helps in this kind of situation. Most of the time, my husband and I would have disagreements and discussions about parenting. What we do is just listen to each other's point of view well so that we would know what's the best thing to do. I noticed that he always let me do the final decision. Maybe he got my point and he knows that I want what's best for our kids.
This is always a tense situation for my husband and me. Most of our disagreements are over discipline. He is a push-over. Plain and simple. If I want to ground a child for a behavior, he feels one hour is enough--no matter how old they already are. In his opinion, once a child says they're sorry, it should be done and over with. Of course, the child makes the same offense again, and that angers me that he wouldn't support me in disciplining them in the first place. So arguments happen. I still struggle with my husband on this issue. It's frustrating. One thing, however, that I have found helpful is to discuss the possible punishment with him in private and get him to agree to it before we bring it up to a child. If he sees the child cry or protest, he has already agreed with me, and he's bound to it. Otherwise, as soon as a child cries, he feels bad and undermines me.
There must be an open communication between the two parties. Parents must present a united and harmonious stand especially in matters of rearing their children. I really don't understand why some parents don't have a certain plan or guidelines in disciplining their children. Talk to each other and settle the difference because this can certainly affect the future of your children. I even believe that close-minded people don't have the right to be parents at all. Both sides should be willing to arrive at a consensus.
I think it's very important for spouses to come to a consensus when it comes to everything, but especially parenting. It makes a big impact on children to see both parents create a united front on parenting matters. Few things are worse than for one parent to be undermined by the other parent. Inconsistency in the household can confuse children, create tension between the parents and bring on all sorts of problems. Even for simple things, there has got to be agreement on how to handle things. You don't want to scold your child for doing something, only to find out the other parent is perfectly fine with it happening. Who will the child listen to? Why should they listen to you, and not the parent who is a little "easier" on them? That's why there has got to be a united front. If the parents don't agree, they have to find some middle ground and show the children that their parents are one unit.
My husband and I come from very different backgrounds, which I think plays a very big part in how you raise your children together. I come from a pretty laid back environment, specifically because my parents were separated. It allowed me to be very free-spirited and self-sufficient. Whereas his parents stayed married and where very strict with him as he grew up. I think there are pros and cons to both situations, but in the end it makes it difficult for us to raise children together. Needless to say we disagree a lot and we really haven’t found a way to solve this problem. Maybe the key is for us to both put our ideas in writing and then agree on a middle ground. It’s certainly a work in progress, our children are only 2 ½ and 1.
What do we do, when we do not agree on a matter concerning our children? We turn it into something positive by considering it as an opportunity to discuss the situation and come to a mutual agreement. This requires good communication skills. It is important to quietly sit and to listen to each others point of view. Then together we take each others views into consideration and figure out what’s best for our child. Then we stand firm by the decision we made together.
