How do I find out who I am?

Discussion in 'General Self Improvement' started by Will_to_improve, May 16, 2017. Replies: 7 | Views: 309

  1. Will_to_improve

    Will_to_improve New Member

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    Hello,
    I am new to this forum. I know many people on this forum have probably much deeper issues than I do, but um…
    Ever since my ex girlfriend broke up with me on December 2015 I feel like I've been slowly dying inside. I feel like I am overcoming the depression and the acid isn't cauterising and boiling so deep in my heart. So I feel like I'm overcoming the depression.
    I don't cry anymore every single night or every time I come from work, however, now I feel like completely empty and I don't have any feelings anymore, nor I'm as passionate about life as I used to be. All I know is that I'm not happy and I don't know how to achieve happiness.

    During the break up I had I used to go to run and try to take care of myself in order not to fall into deeper depression. However, now I am feeling completely empty and unmotivated and I have no idea what to do with my life nor who I am and I don't know what makes me happy. I have no dreams or purpose anymore.

    How to change that? I can imagine it'll be a lot of work, however I need advice and directions.

    Thank you.
     
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  2. msuccess

    msuccess Administrator Staff Member

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    Hi, I think this is more common than you might think, people usually don't talk about it. I have days like that, is it all the time? If not, think about what you're doing when you don't feel that way. For me, getting out with other people takes it away, it hardly matters what it is. There's lots of groups and stuff to get involved with (e.g. meetup.com) as well as work harder on friendships. If you don't have a dream or feel a purpose, then the next best thing is find things that are enjoyable rather than boring, so you're not just sitting around thinking negative thoughts. Also consider physical and nutritional factors that can effect your mood, check out The Mood Cure book for example. Mindfulness and meditation stuff has helped me too, learning to drop the negative mind chatter that can lead to depression or anxiety, as well as learning to not put power into other people to make us happy or not. Lots of free good content here too at by Chuck at http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/.
     
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  3. Todd Hicks

    Todd Hicks Senior Member

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    Get back into running or other good forms of exercise such as walking, as it will naturally help you feel better besides keeping you fit and healthy. I second the advice mentioned above that you must do the things you enjoy, as life goes on. I understand how painful the breakup must be but you must get past that and move forward with your life for yourself, your family and your friends. Finally, we all have purpose. You choose what it is once you reflect on and discover it.
     
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  4. ang.necole11

    ang.necole11 Member

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    There is a natural tendency for people to want to "stop" or "change" something that doesn't feel good. That's fine, but it doesn't always work. What has worked for me, however, is acceptance. I accept how things are, I accept that I feel crappy, I accept that no dreams, etc. Once I begin to accept my feelings, as oppose to push them away, the anxiety of it begins to lessen. Also, we often want to escape these feelings with distractions (hanging out with friends, going for a run). The problem with this is that we need to learn to find contentment when we are alone, even if it feels uncomfortable or it makes us depressed.

    It's hard. It takes a lot of courage. But meditation and finding life purpose can help ease this so much.

    All the best.
     
  5. john_268

    john_268 New Member

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    I was in the same situation. I got divorced. I was feeling completely frustrated and unmotivated. My good friend advised me Mantastic Life It really helped me to reignite the spark of passion for living and promoted the courage to endure life’s challenges.
     
  6. Paul Proctor

    Paul Proctor Member

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    Don't be afraid to seek help from a therapist. Sometimes we need someone to talk through these issues with, especially when it has been going on for a while. My first step would be to start running again, even if you don't feel like it. It is amazing what exercise can do for you. It is better than free drugs for depression. Best of luck.
     
  7. Ricardo Ortiz

    Ricardo Ortiz Member

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    The best thing to know is in that dark moment we grow. I don't understand why people see their experiences as negative. All experiences are just experiences, sensations and something to learn. To turn around our darkest days we must go deep inside ourselves. Something inside of us is depressed, unmotivated and meaningless. That something inside you is saying you must give up. But you know what I have seen. Most people in their darkest nights shine. Why because they figure out the message in that experience or sensation. Now with the intend to help you, what message is that something inside you wants you to learn but you can't accept because of ego? Take care.
     
  8. marypsi

    marypsi Member

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    I went through something similar when a relationship of mine ended. I was devastated, for a long time, and it grew to the point where I felt ashamed expressing it to my friends, because I didn't want to seem like a broken record. It may seem cheesy, but it really is true when they say time heals all wounds. I similarly took a long time with that grieving process--I didn't try dating seriously for about 2 years, but that was the time I personally needed. It sounds like you may also be on your way (saying that you don't cry every night anymore). It may still hurt to think about the past (I still am hurt when I think about my ex and how unfair it seemed), but I would say focus on yourself now. Allow yourself to be almost hedonist! Self-care is so important. I remember after that break up and going through a stressful internship, I would grab a milkshake and fries on the way home, and then eat them while taking a bath and watching some bad (good bad) TV!

    I also found that doing something creative during that dark period really helped me. Kind of the philosophy, that I had all these sad/dark feelings inside, but if I didn't let them out, they would just stay inside and fester. I wrote a lot of music at that time, and participated in a poetry therapy group. Even just the act of journaling to transfer feelings into words can be healing (or writing like in these forums!). I know when I'm very sad, it's almost like I'm stagnant/inactive, where I'm just experience/feeling the pain, but not identifying or verbalizing it. If your can't find the words, maybe even drawing it, or choosing a color or noise to describe you pain.

    Being physically active helps me as well. I feel like I can get my sadness and especially anger/frustration out that way. It sounds like you used to run, and I know the first time getting back into the swing of something is the hardest... but I always remind myself that it gets easier and easier to drag myself out to something the more that I do it.
     

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