[Help] My lack of self-confidence is running my life and killing my business

Discussion in 'General Self Improvement' started by clearnigh2, Nov 20, 2016. Replies: 15 | Views: 1723

  1. clearnigh2

    clearnigh2 New Member

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    Growing up, I must admit I had low self-esteem. Maybe it was my peers who made me feel that I don't belong and I was a loser or something. What I did was just focus on my studies which made me look a loser even more, but I got good grades at least.

    When I reached high school, I began to socialize and get a group of friends. Somehow, they have increased by confidence by telling me praises and the good qualities that I possess.

    However, now that I'm about to create my own web development business I'm just trembling before talking to clients. It will really ruin my entire career and make me broke.

    Now I just want to ask you guys if you have confidence-boosting tips so that anyone here who lacks confidence would learn how to change for the better.

    What can you advice?
     
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  2. davido123

    davido123 New Member

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    just believe in yourself! :)
     
  3. madkhaos

    madkhaos Coaching Member

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    Hello clearnigh2 and welcome to the forums. Confidence is hard to gain with a negative past, and what you must do is forget the past and move on. Start fresh and become a new person, visualize who you want to be in the mirror everyday and work hard at becoming that person. We wrote a few good articles on boosting confidence on our blog that may help you. But first, let me explain some key points that I used and still use today that can get you started.

    Self Motivation.
    Find out what drives you, where do you draw your motivation from. By having a lack of motivation you will almost never change who you are, find that passion/desire and use it to drive yourself to become a better more positive person.

    Change Bad Habits.
    Here is where it gets a little more difficult. You must change your bad habits, although you cant really eliminate bad habits because they are embedded/hardwired in our brains you can still replace them. Find out what your bad social habits are, take note of them and learn how to replace them with good and positive social habits. I always try to compliment the client I am engaging with, this is a good ice breaker and gains you a little trust with that person. Habits are a whole other topic in itself, but recognize your bad social habits and learn how to replace them. Listen to Brian Tracy on the Habit Basics.



    Observe Other People.
    This is key to overcoming self confidence. Simply learn of other confident people. Watch their mannerisms, their tone, and their attitudes. You can learn a lot from just observing people who you feel have overcome the things you face. Check this TED talk, Caroline covers just about everything on speaking with confidence.



    Do What Makes You Happy.
    Find what makes you happy. If you feel you are still uncomfortable after trying and trying to overcome these issues, maybe find a new direction. Change up your career path or search for what you feel makes you totally comfortable and happy. This will allow things to come more natural to you and you will not have any problems overcoming any issues that arise.

    It will take time to overcome self confidence, just work at it everyday and keep following your dreams. Remember, every confident person who is great at public speaking was in the same shoes you are in now. They just worked hard at overcoming it... Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2016
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  4. clearnigh2

    clearnigh2 New Member

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    Thank you for the advice madkhaos.

    I listened to the Ted Talk and video by Brian Track, and found them really useful. I will, as you suggested, get some 'confidence role models' so to speak. All in all, I guess it will take some time to build up my confidence, but I hope that this advice and whatever following it leads me to will help me do so.

    Thank you again for your reply.
     
  5. ppp21

    ppp21 Member

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    Being an entrepreneur is great I would recommend it to anyone. What you need is to do is believe in yourself more. Faith can do a ton of magic in your life. Just take it easy, keep doing what you think is right and just keep on going. Life is the best teacher and the more mistakes you make the more you'll learn from it.


    http://bit.ly/2gAjkSy
     
  6. Kenneth Brown

    Kenneth Brown New Member

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    Hi clearnigh2,
    What you are feeling is perfectly normal and I can say I've felt the same way many times before especially when going into a new venture or "uncharted territory". There are several books out there to help you with self confidence. One in particular is "Psycho-Cybernetics" By Maxwell Maltz.
    A couple of simple tips would be to do your best to clearly and specifically identify your fear (s) and develop a battle plan through understanding and preparation to complete those tasks which you fear. This a liberating exercise!
    Another is to have a qualified mentor you can trust that will help you on your journey.

    Sincerely

    Ken
     
  7. RodaTL

    RodaTL Advisor Member

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    Clearnight2, how awesome it is that you are starting a new business! There are many things you can do to improve your self-confidence. Just remember that any new venue has some fears with it, but you do it anyway. You will inevitably encounter clients that will ask you questions and have objections that you are new to, and these are the situations that actually build your knowledge in the business. Make no mistake, you can read and cram all you want, but real life experience is a completely different animal. Many of the academic books on pretty much anything are written by people with very little real life experience. I found this out the hard way, but I am so grateful I did, otherwise I would not have started three businesses on my own, which I love!
     
    Last edited: Dec 7, 2016
  8. Inspir8tion

    Inspir8tion Member

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    Great topic, I think we have our moments of having low self confidence. I was reading an article about how you must over come fear and not let it hold you back. Sometimes you experience fear and have to use as part of your story, to encourage and motivate others to overcome it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2016
  9. msuccess

    msuccess Administrator Staff Member

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    I think the best thing is a combination of learning communication skill techniques, and practicing. Being good at active listening will help a lot, it takes practice and if you can do it well then you have an advantage. It also helps to really know whatever subject you're talking about. Study, read, talk to people, become an expert at something, even if it's narrow at first. Confidence comes with expertise. If you aren't willing to put the time in to be knowledgeable then you're setting yourself up for failure. So many want to take shortcuts, find some easy trick or angle on making money.
     
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  10. RodaTL

    RodaTL Advisor Member

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    That's right. ANY new business is tough to start, so acknowledge the fear and do it anyway! Learn in the process. Mistakes are a must in order to grow. But if you do your homework and learn from other people's mistakes, yours will be smaller. Great business people actively seek objections from clients so they can preempt their concerns and address them timely.
     
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  11. Mary

    Mary Member

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    Do you know any successful businessmen who got what they have now without committing mistakes and failures? I'll chop one of my fingers off if there's one. Believe in yourself like what others said, good luck!
     
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  12. Cynthia

    Cynthia Senior Member

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    I'm rediscovering that confidence comes from doing!
     
  13. Suzie@thoughtscentral

    Suzie@thoughtscentral New Member

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    Hi,
    I totally hear you with regards to the whole self confidence thing. I was painfully shy as a child and still find it difficult to put myself out there. BUT I have to agree with what the other members have stated, you have to go ahead and do it before the nerves and awkwardness will start to fade away. For example, I stuttered as a child so public speaking was a massive fear of mine. I have being putting myself out there when ever I can and will speak publicly when I have a chance. The first time, was when I was asked to teach at our local university. I was so nervous that I was horrible to be around, I had to power dress to help me with my confidence and I used all sorts of techniques that I had learned from NLP. But the important part was I got through it, and 10 year on the largest crowd I have spoken in front of is approx. 3000 - it was a simple message of thankyou and gratitude and most of the people were high school students but I did it. The nerves are still there they are just more manageable now. I was told that its good to be nervous when you are doing any form of public speaking as it shows that you have respect for your audience. I remind myself of this every time I have feel nervous about speaking to anyone. :)
     
  14. RodaTL

    RodaTL Advisor Member

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    What many champions do is they look for issues with their businesses before the issues occur. In the world of selling, the best sales people look for objections every day, in order to be prepared the best they can with good answers and convincing messages. You don't have to be a professional sales person to run a business, as you can hire them, but they are costly. Therefore, it is in your best interest to take advantage of how nervous you feel at this time, find what objections from potential clients you feel nervous about exactly, and then hone the skills you need to either address the objections well verbally, or master the skills in your particular field that will reduce the chances of such objections to happen in the first place.
     
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  15. thestrongprofessional

    thestrongprofessional Member

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    You should look into joining Toastmasters. It's a great organization that helps you improve your public speaking skills. I started going this year and have noticed a significant improvement in my confidence and presence in front of people. I highly recommend it.

    Raphael
     
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  16. brokenblade

    brokenblade Coaching Member

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    I've had and still have low self esteem and confidence. My reason is that I was raised by a narcissistic father who has taken it upon himself to pick apart every aspect of me. Every single thing of me was wrong. My genetics, everything. This has caused me to live completely in my head. One thing that I have found is useful is to just do it. I've learned to get out of my head and take action with my goals. Also, achieving things helps build my confidence.

    It also wouldn't hurt to surround yourself with people that are there to build you up. At the same time, keep away all of those toxic people that just want to tear you down. You may have to fight hard, because they are clingy and possessive (my experience). They will do everything they can to drag you down and keep you from achieving something. They are not happy with their lives so they seek to tear yours down so that whenever they feel that they are useless, they can look to you and dump on you saying "At least I'm still better than you."

    Stay away from people that only live to sabotage you.
     

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