Remove Limiting Beliefs


We are what we believe we are

A 25-year-old reader, who I will call Teresa, finds her life falling apart. Although she is bright and has much to be thankful for, she is also negative, critical of others, demanding, jealous, impulsive, and quick to anger. Her 'nasty' personality is driving away everyone she loves. In fact, she and her husband, whom she loves, are now living apart. She writes, "I need to change and I want to change, I am just looking for some advice on how to pull myself from this rut and grow up."

The fact that she is writing to me indicates that she wishes to receive some tips on how to help herself. I'll be happy to share some ideas; however, an important issue should be addressed immediately and with professional help. I'm referring to Teresa's separation from her husband. I suggest she speak to him, explain how she feels about him, tell him she wants to turn her life around for him and herself, and that she would like to receive help from a marriage counselor. And that she also would like her husband to join her in all counseling sessions for support.

Of course, when Teresa speaks to her husband, it must be done in a gentle, postive and supportive fashion. Her husband, however, may not be very receptive. After all, he has been burned many times in the past. So, if he hesitates or expresses doubt that they can work out their problem, Teresa must be careful not to get upset. For if she does, her behavior may merely convince her husband that their relationship cannot be healed. On the other hand, if she accepts his rebuffs with grace, her change in behavior may convince him that their marriage may survive, especially after receiving help from a counselor.

So, Teresa, if your husband expresses doubt in the value of getting back together, you must avoid getting angry or expressing frustration. Instead, say something like, "I understand how you feel and don't blame you. However, I am hoping that with time, and a lot of work on my part, we can not only get back together, but build strong bonds of love and respect. Also, when you feel willing to give me a chance, I hope we can go out on a date, so we can test the waters."

Now that I touched on a major issue, let's get more perspective by looking at the big picture. Teresa knows that she has problems, knows what she is doing wrong, and knows what she should be doing. Yet, she keeps doing the wrong things; she remains stuck in a rut. Why is that? Teresa's problem is the same as that shared by most people, and it is the same problem that I have been writing about in recent issues of this newsletter.

Mainly, the problem that most of us have is we are not in the driver's seat of life. Rather, we are passengers in a taxi, taking us to places we don't wish to go. The taxi driver is our subconscious, and instead of following our directions, it follows its own map. The map it uses is a map of our beliefs. Instead of the names of cities, the map has place names such as: "I'm not good enough. I'm stupid. I'm a bad person. I'm undeserving of success and happiness."

Our subconscious works on the assumption that every belief we have is a destination that we wish to go to. So, that's where it takes us. For example, suppose Teresa had a subconscious belief that she was a 'nasty' person. If that were the case, no matter how many good intentions she consciously has, her subconscious will look at the map where it has been imprinted that she is 'nasty,' and take her there. To get to where we want to go, we will have to zap or eliminate the negative, limiting, and false beliefs from the map of our subconscious.

One technique to help us remove limiting beliefs from our subconscious is Morty Lefkoe's 7-step Decision Maker Process®. I've written about it in the past, but one reading is seldom enough for readers to appreciate its power and understand how to apply it. So, I'm repeating an outline of the process and an example of its use. To further clarify, I will give another example, using Teresa.

THE SEVEN STEPS OF THE DECISION MAKER® PROCESS

1. Select problem or issue that you wish to change.

2. Identify the belief (there may be more than one) that caused the problem.

3. Identify the source of the belief (what happened as a child that led you to accept the belief).

4. Name other ways you could have interpreted the events that led to your belief.

5. Was your belief real? Did it exist in the real world or just in your head?

6. Do you still have the belief or is it now gone?

7. After releasing your belief, you are no longer its CREATION, but are the CREATOR of your life.

EXAMPLE 1 OF THE DECISION MAKER® PROCESS IN ACTION

STEP 1.
Select problem or issue that you wish to change.

Chuck: Hello. Ralph. After you've made yourself comfortable, tell me what issue or problem you wish to work on.

Ralph (a retired man): I find life stale.

C: What do you mean by stale? I need you to be more specific.

R: Life is no longer zestful. I don't feel excited or enthusiastic. I lack energy.

C: Have you seen a doctor to make sure you don't have physiological problems?

R: According to my doctor, I'm in average condition for my age.


STEP 2.
Identify the belief (there may be more than one) that caused the problem.

C: What belief could you have that would make your life so "stale"?

R: Well, I'm getting old. I suppose it's natural for old people to lose their enthusiasm.

C: Do you believe old people lose their enthusiasm for life?

R: Well, yes. Yes, I do.


STEP 3.
Identify the source of the belief (what happened as a child that led you to accept the belief).

C: Ralph, what did you experience as a child that led you to believe old people lose their enthusiasm for life?

R: Well, I remember my aunt talking to me about my grandfather.
She was complaining about how listless he had become. He simply dragged himself around the house, more like a zombie than a human. The way she described him, his life was sucked right out of him.

C: How old were you at the time?

R: About six.

C: Do you think her vivid description and disparaging remarks painted a picture in your mind that old people find life "stale"?

R: Yes. I now remember the event clearly. I had forgotten all about it. I haven't thought about it for years. I can see how I came to believe getting old would be terrible.

STEP 4.
Name other ways you could have interpreted the events that led to your belief.

C: Considering you were just six at the time, I can see how the conclusion you made about old age was quite logical. You didn't know any better. And a child of six doesn't possess analytical skills, so you came to your own conclusions as best as you could. But you are no longer six. So, I would like you to reexamine what your aunt told you and try to give me four alternative interpretations. Your first interpretation was that old people grow "stale." Give me four different ways you could have interpreted the same remarks you heard from your aunt.

R: Well, I sense that my aunt and grandfather didn't get along.
So, perhaps her description of my grandfather was tainted by her prejudice. Also, if she was mean toward my grandfather, that may have caused him to behave as he did.

C: Good. Give me three more alternative explanations.

R: He could have been ill. Illness strikes at any age. And not every old person gets ill.

C: Do you know any old people who are healthy and enthusiastic about life?

R: Yes, I have a lady friend that gushes with enthusiasm and loves to dance.

C: How old is she?

R: She is in her 90's.

C: I see. So, perhaps old age is not a condemnation to misery.
Perhaps we can enjoy it after all. Give me two more alternative explanations.

R: Well, perhaps what she said was true for my grandfather, but that doesn't make it true for every one.

C: That's a good answer. Give me one more alternative explanation.

R: Well, come to think of it, the type of behavior my aunt described isn't limited to old age. I've seen people in their 30's and 40's acting the same way. I guess it has more to do with attitude or beliefs than age.

C: What would you say would be closer to the truth, the interpretation you made as a six year old child or one of the four other ones you just made?

R: It's obvious to me that the one I made as a child is incorrect.

STEP 5.
Was your belief real? Did it exist in the real world or just in your head?

C: That may be obvious now, but until we met, you have been living your life as if it were true. Isn't that correct?

R: Yes, it is.

C: Until recently, the belief that old people lose their enthusiasm was as real to you as this desk or this pen. Isn't that true?

R: Yes. Absolutely.

C: This desk and this pen exist in this room. Where did your belief about old age exist?

R: In my mind.

C: My desk and pen are real. Was your original belief about old age real?

R: Well, it was real to me at the time.

C: Let me rephrase the question, was your belief truthful?

R: No, it is not true that all old people lose their enthusiasm for life.


STEP 6.
Do you still have the belief or is it now gone?

C: There is no point in holding on to a belief that is not true and hinders our happiness, is there?

R: No, there isn't.

C: So, are you willing to give it up and let it go?

R: Okay, I'll try.

C: I didn't ask you if you would try. I asked if you were willing to give it up.

R: Yes, I'm willing to give it up.

C: Good. Give it up now. Let it go. Release it. Did you let it go?

R: Yes, I think so.

C: Repeat after me, "Old people lose their enthusiasm for life."

R: Old people lose their enthusiasm for life.

C: When you said that, did it seem true to you?

R: No, it didn't. I can see that I let go of that idea.

STEP 7.
After releasing your belief, you are no longer its CREATION, but are the CREATOR of your life.

C:  When you believed old people lose their enthusiasm for life, where did that idea exist?

R: In my mind.

C: How did it get there?

R: My aunt put it there.

C: Your aunt never said old people lose their enthusiasm for life. That is just an interpretation of what she said about your grandfather. Who was the interpreter?

R: I was.

C: How did it get into your mind?

R: I interpreted what my aunt said and formed an opinion. I put it there.

C: So, you created the belief. In terms of how you behaved in old age, would you say that the belief created you?

R: Yes. That's true.

C: When you were the creation of that self-limiting belief, how did it feel?

R: I felt debilitated, diminished, powerless.

C: Now that the false belief is gone, how do you feel?

R: I feel free, more powerful.

C: Which is more exciting, to be the CREATION of a negative belief or to be the CREATOR of your life?

R: To be the creator of my life.

C: Do you feel like the creator of your life?

R: I'm beginning to realize that I'm the creator of my life.

C: How will you feel when you eliminate all your other negative beliefs?

R: Very powerful.

C: Elaborate on that.

R: I will be able to do anything I want to because all hindrances, all roadblocks will have been removed. Now that I think about this I realize that my negative beliefs are like a wall, which after being knocked down will reveal unlimited possibilities.

C: How do you feel now?

R: I feel like a powerful creator.

C: Congratulations, that's exactly what you are. And you will grow even more so with each passing day.

EXAMPLE 2 OF THE DECISION MAKER® PROCESS IN ACTION

(This is an imaginary session taking place between Chuck and Teresa. Although Chuck's dialogue is based on information he learned from Teresa, the conclusions reached are entirely imaginary and given for illustration only. Teresa can practice this process with herself and arrive at her own conclusions.)

STEP 1.
Select problem or issue that you wish to change.

Chuck: Hello, Teresa. I understand you have several issues you wish to work on. However, since we can only work on one problem at a time, which one would you like to start with?

Teresa: My marriage is in jeopardy and I'm losing friends because of my anger.

C: What are you angry about?

T: Well, I get upset when I can't have my own way.


STEP 2.
Identify the belief (there may be more than one) that caused the problem.

C: What belief would you have to have in order to behave that way?

T: Well, I suppose fairness. Other people get what they want, so why can't I get what I want? Life is so unfair!

C: Do you believe life is unfair?

T: Yes, I do.


STEP 3.
Identify the source of the belief (what happened as a child that led you to accept the belief).

C: Teresa, what happened to you as a child that led you to believe life is unfair?

T: Well, my mom never gave me what I wanted. It didn't matter if it was a doll, ice-cream, or candy. I could see other kids getting what they wanted. It was so unfair! I sometimes threw temper tantrums.

C: You said something interesting, Teresa. You said your mom never gave you what you wanted. Now, was a doll, candy, or ice- cream so important that you would scream and yell, or was there something else you mother never gave you?

T: Well, now that you put it that way, she couldn't have cared about me very much if she wouldn't give her little girl what she wanted.

C: Do you believe your mother didn't care about you?

T: Well, if she did care about me, she had a poor way of showing it.

STEP 4.
Name other ways you could have interpreted the events that led to your belief.

C: Yes, as a child, I can see how you could come to believe that if you mom did not give you what you wanted, it meant she didn't love you. That could appear logical to a child. But you are now an adult. So, I would like you to revisit those upsetting childhood experiences in your imagination and see if you can interpret the events differently. Could there be other reasons why you didn't get what you wanted?

T: Perhaps mom didn't give me ice-cream and candy because it's bad for one's health and teeth.

C: What about dolls and other toys?.

T: Perhaps she didn't want to spoil me.

C: What could be another reason why your mother didn't give you what you wanted?

T: Well, she may not have had enough money.

C: Can you think of yet another reason?

T: I don't know if this is another reason, but if she didn't want to spoil me or feed me anything bad for health that may be because she loved me!

C: Yes, isn't that interesting how things can be just the opposite of what we imagine them to be. But we don't know for sure what your mom was thinking at the time. Yet, let me ask you this. Do you believe the most likely reason why your mom acted as she did was because she didn't love you?

T: No, I don't think that was the case. Isn't it odd that I never questioned my beliefs before?

STEP 5.
Was your belief real? Did it exist in the real world or just in your head?

C: So, all these years you have been believing that your mother didn't love you. Is that true?

T: Yes, it is.

C: And that belief was so real to you that it made you very angry.

T: Yes. Absolutely.

C: It was powerful enough to make you angry, but was it true?

T: No, it was just the way I interpreted things and how I felt.

STEP 6.
Do you still have the belief or is it now gone?

C: Even though it was a false belief, it caused a great deal of pain, didn't it?

T: Yes, it did.

C: Does it make sense to hold on to a false belief that is painful?

T: No, it doesn't.

C: Well, then, are you willing to give up that belief?

T: Yes, I'm willing to give it up.

C: Good. Give it up now. Let it go. Release it. Did you let it go?

T: Yes, I believe so.

C: Repeat after me, "My mother doesn't love me."

T: My mother doesn't love me..

C: How did you feel when you said that? Did the statement seem true to you?

T: No, it didn't. I no longer believe it.

STEP 7.
After releasing your belief, you are no longer its CREATION, but are the CREATOR of your life.

C:  Would you say that your behavior flows from your beliefs?

T: Yes, I can see that now.

C: In other words, we are the creation of our beliefs.

T: Yes, I see that..

C: What happens when we rid ourselves of limiting or negative beliefs?

T: We become free to live the we choose.

C: Could you say we change from the CREATION of our beliefs to the CREATOR of our lives?

T: I agree with that. It's very empowering. It's a shift from victimhood to victory.

C: Congratulations, you have experienced growth. But you still have more work to do. Use this process to eliminate the other negative beliefs that are holding you back and you can experience a complete turn around. The process itself is not very difficult and doesn't take much time, so treat yourself to a new, rewarding life with Morty Lefkoe's Decision Maker Process®.

To watch Morty Lefkoe conduct a Decision Maker Process® session,visit:
http://www.google.com/search?q=Watch+a+Belief+Disappear+with+Morty+Lefkoe&tbo=p&tbs=vid:1&source=vgc&aq=f

The session is spread out on 5 videos. After visiting the above page, view videos 1, 2, and 3 of 5. Then go to page 2 to see video 4 of 5. Finally, return to page 1 to see video 5 of 5.

To learn more about the process, buy Morty Lefkoe's book, "Re- create Your Life" for $18.95 at http://www.decisionmaker.com/recreate/recreate.htm

And for yet further information, visit his web site: http://decisionmaker.com/

© Chuck Gallozzi
For more articles and contact information,
Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

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