Sexual Abstinence
Abstinence makes the heart grow
fonder Despite
meaning well, we often deliver the wrong message to our
teens. When we caution them to practice "safe sex," we
are actually encouraging them to have sex. They don't need
very much encouragement to follow that advice! And if they
do so, they discover far too late that children and teens
having sex is like living in the eye of a tornado. The
storm leaves rubble in its wake. Broken dreams and hearts are
unavoidable
outcomes of casual sex. If we wish to support and nurture
our children, assure their success and happiness, we need
to give them sound advice. That advice is: practice abstinence.
Save sex for marriage.
What's so terrible about teaching kids to practice safe
sex by using a condom? First, there's no such thing as "safe" sex.
After all, accidents happen all the time. Condoms slip
off or rupture, making an unprepared young
woman pregnant. True, the microscopic openings, or pores, in a latex condom
are small enough to prevent semen and bacteria from passing through. But
those same openings are HUGE when compared with the size
of a virus, such as those
that cause HIV and AIDS. So, condoms cannot completely protect one from virus-based
STD's.
When the intimacy of sex is shared by children, confusion reigns.
Raging hormones and extreme pleasure may be misinterpreted as "love." They
may decide to marry, only to discover a few years later that they're
not in love after
all. The result? A traumatic divorce. The young woman is now a single mom.
Imagine her pain and the difficulty of her life. What about her baby's suffering?
How do you think it feels to be abandoned by your father?
If we fail to teach our children about abstinence, the number of single moms
can be expected to rise. Research on single-parent homes reveals unpleasant
statistics. First, they are six times more likely to be poor than two-parent
families. Second, unmarried mothers are less likely to get prenatal care and
more likely to have low-birthweight babies. Third, children born out of wedlock
are three times more likely to depend on welfare as adults. Fourth, the children
of single-moms tend to be underachievers in school, have behavioral problems,
and experience higher rates of psychiatric disorders. Fifth, young men raised
without fathers are twice as likely to get involved in criminal behavior than
those with fathers. Sixth, 70% of juveniles that have been taken into custody
come from fatherless homes. Seventh, young white women who grow up in fatherless
homes are more than twice as likely to have children out of wedlock than those
who don't.
Premarital sex also increases the rate of cheating after marriage,
emotional problems, and sexual dysfunction. Relationships are supposed
to be based on
communication, which leads to knowledge, understanding, respect, love, marriage,
and sex. But sexually active teens reverse the process by putting sex, and
perhaps marriage, first. By neglecting to develop their communication skills,
they move from one failed relationship to the next. How can all the suffering
caused by premarital sex be called SAFE? No, "safe sex" isn't safe,
it's damaging, and it's time we help our kids find this out.
Children can't be scared into practicing abstinence, they have to want to do
it. I taught my children at an early age about the dangers of smoking. I didn't
preach morality or threaten them. I simply gave them the facts. They are now
adults that have never smoked and cannot imagine wanting to. It's the same
with sex. Give your children the facts and ammunition to succeed.
Moms, teach your daughters about boys. "Boys are less mature
than you. Although you are likable and lovable, their urges have
nothing to do with love.
They are motivated by raging hormones, curiosity, the need for conquests
to prove their 'manliness,' and the desire for experience, which
they will apply
to another relationship. It has nothing to do with love and nothing to do
with you. Sexually, they will automatically go as far as possible,
as far as you
allow them to. Your job is to put on the brakes. Do your job well."
Moms, give your daughters ammunition. Retorts. Give them ready answers
to prepare them. For example, if their boyfriend tries to French
kiss them, teach them
to push him away gently and say, "Sorry, French kissing is upper persuasion
for lower invasion, and I will have no part of it." Explain to your daughter, "You
can't blame the boy for trying, but if you set the limits he will respect them
and you. If he doesn't, he's not worth associating with, so drop him." What
if her boyfriend says, "But, honey, I love you. I need to express my love
for you physically." Teach your daughter to say, "Love is the way
you treat somebody, not how you feel about them." Moms, you've got to
know what's going on during your daughters' dates. Keep the lines of communication
open. Teach your daughters to confide in you and speak openly and frankly.
Parents, to help your kids, you need to give explicit advice. Don't
speak in vague generalities. For instance, don't say, "Avoid sex until you meet
the right person, until you are in love." Remember, a fourteen year old
child may believe their partner is the "right" person and that they
are in "love." You need to speak with precision: "Abstain
from sex until you marry."
Don't be afraid to use the "A" word, abstinence. Set the goals of
your children high. If they aim for the stars and miss, they may "only" reach
the mountaintop, but that's far better than landing in the gutter. Isn't
it true that we all practice abstinence? Isn't that what you're doing right
now?
Isn't that what you do when you have lunch or dinner in public and when you're
attending a business meeting? The same is true for your children. They just
need to learn how to fill in the gaps so they are always abstinent until
the day they marry. They don't have to control themselves forever; it's temporary,
you know. It's not a question of whether your children have sexual desire,
but whether sexual desire has them. Teach them the art of self-discipline
and
you will teach them the art of self-mastery. Teach them how to redirect that
pent-up sexual energy into creative and athletic activities. Free them from
the need to experiment with sex and you will free them from much heartache,
sorrow, regret, and pain. Properly educated, your children will be proud
to be abstinent; after all, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
© Chuck Gallozzi
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Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck
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