Robert Elias Najemy
1. Relationships are not by chance. They are specific experiences through which we have the opportunity to grow in self-knowledge and develop the highest human virtues such as understanding, patience, forgiveness, adaptability, truthfulness, caring, unity and unconditional love.
2. This does not mean that there is only one person on the earth for us one soul mate. We might evolve and learn such lessons through a series of relationships. Of course, we need to avoid the trap of superficial short term relationships in which we may be actually avoiding rather than learning our lessons.
3. Create relationships based on mutual respect, admiration and common interests. Although chemical attraction is also very important, without the above, the relationship will be short lived.
4. Fill out in detail and with total honesty our questionnaire about yourself and the soul with whom you would like to unite your life. Become clear about yourself and about what you want.
5. When you begin your first meetings with a soul with whom would like to investigate the possibility of mutually creating a Conscious Love Relationship:
a. Be totally honest from the beginning. You want someone who wants to be with you -not with some mask that you create.
b. Ask questions that are important to you. Learn how the other thinks and feels about subjects that are important to you. See what you have in common and what you do not. (It is okay to have different interests.)
c. Remember (from the questionnaire) the three characteristics that your love partner must absolutely have and the 3 characteristics that he or she absolutely must not have . (However, you might want to check and be sure these are absolutes coming from your higher self and not your personality-based fears.)
d. Do not move forward into sexual intimacy until you are fairly sure that you really can respect, admire and love this person. You might not be totally sure, but at least, you should like what you see until now. Physically intimacy without love can create unfruitful attachments.
e. Avoid creating a relationship with a person based on the idea that you will change the other . This seldom works. People do not like to be changed or controlled and usually rebel towards that effort on our part. Remember the computer adage «What you see is what you get and what you will get even after ten years.» We are not saying that others do not change but that they do not like to be changed.
f. Investigate various aspects of your possible communication; talking, dancing, walking, nature, sports, cinema, eating, serving others, meditating, praying, reading and eventually making love. Discuss and share whatever gives you meaning and pleasure. This does not mean that you need to do everything together. It is very natural for couples to have separate activities that give each personal fulfillment.
g. After some time, discuss your values and life style preferences. What do you believe is the purpose of life? Do you want to have children? How would you like to live? Do you want a social life? What do you want to do with your life? (Read what the other has written about these subjects on the questionnaire.)
6. Remember, relationships are not the goal of life but rather the means towards our life purpose which is growth, self-knowledge and eventual manifestation of our inherent divine qualities such as unconditional love.
a. Relationships do not give us self-worth and we do not lose our self-worth when someone prefers not to be with us or prefers to be someone else.
b. We are not intended to be with just anyone. We have made «secret soul agreements» to learn and grow with specific souls.
c. Thus, we might be wonderfully (and all uniquely are) physically and mentally attractive, but if we have not made this «secret soul agreement» , then we simply will not be attracted to each other.
d. Thus the other might respect, admire and truly admire and love us (or we, them) but not be able to "feel that special chemistry" , because we simply are not meant to be together. We too might feel the same dilemma in relationship to the other.
e. Thus we should never feel rejection when a relationship with another does not work out. Our self-worth and beauty are the same. We simply have not agreed to be together at this time at least.
7. Avoid falling into the following mental traps:
a. Believing that you are not worthy of being loved.
b. Believing that you are getting too old and that you have lost the train or are less worthy or less happy than those who are married or in relationships.
c. That you will definitely be happier in a relationship maybe yes maybe no.
d. That time is running out to have a child. If your life purpose is to have and raise a child, it will happen. If it is not, then it will not.
Let go and realize that life gives at each moment exactly what you need to be happy and to evolve. Fear is not a good reason to create a relationship. Love is.
8. You are most likely not in a relationship at this time, because you subconsciously do not want to be in one. Think about it. There are so many millions of people who are less attractive and less kind and loving than you are and yet, they are in relationships. Thus the reason you are not in one is either:
a. Your soul-created evolutionary program for this life requires that you should not have that experience until now - at least for this during this period of your life and / or
b. You are subconsciously afraid of one or more of the following: failure, rejection, suppression, being used, abandonment, being hurt, not being loved if the other knows the real you, not being able to be your real self, making the same mistakes your parents made etc.
In such a case, you will need to work on your fears especially with your past experiences.
Some last words
1. Trust in divine wisdom. You have exactly what you need at this time to create happiness and growth.
2. Free yourself from fears of being alone. Learn to enjoy being with your self.
3. Free yourself from the fears of being in a relationship.
4. You are equally worthy and safe in and out of a relationship.
5. You can be equally happy in and out of a relationship.
6. Learn to be happy with your present situation so that you can move on to the next. (This is often a prerequisite to creating a relationship.)
7. Remember that a few years of a real Conscious Love Relationship is preferable to fifty years of a relationship based on security and self-worth needs.
8. Attend to your Inner Preparation:
a. Clarify Values, Needs, Life Style (The questionnaire will help.)
b. Learn To Love Your Self:
c. Develop Inner Security.
9. Place your energy an thought form into the universe by:
a. Knowing what you want as specifically as possible.
b. Believing that you deserve to have what you want.
c. Being open to accepting it.
d. Let go and know in peace that the universe gives you in each moment what you need to be happy and grow.
e. Be at peace, knowing that the universe will give you in the future whatever is best for you as a soul in the evolutionary process.
From our Conscious Love Relationships Program at:
Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 Life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Info at: http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/introholisticcoach.asp
He is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony. Download FREE 100's of articles, find wonderful ebooks, guidance , audio files and teleclasses at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com .
His books The Psychology of Happiness and Remove Pain with Energy Psychology are available at http://www.amazon.com